Category Archives: emotions

Yea, Five!

First, let me apologize that it’s been 6 months since my last post.  It goes without saying that we’ve been super busy and I’ve got a lot to catch up on.  However, that will have to wait for another day because today’s post is all about my big FIVE year olds!

First, the stats.


  • Weight- 37.8# (35-40%)
  • Height- 41.75 inches (35-40%)
  • BMI- 15.4
  • Hearing- passed
  • Vision- 20/20

She was able to identify (and draw) the circle, rectangle, triangle, and “X” as well as write her name.  The person she drew had a head, eyes, a nose, a mouth, a body, and legs. She’s right on target!



  • Weight- 37.4# (25%)
  • Height- 43 inches (50%)
  • BMI- 14.1
  • Hearing- passed
  • Vision- 20/20

He was also able to identify (and draw) the circle, rectangle, triangle, and “X” as well as write his name.  The person he drew had a head, eyes (with pupils), a body, arms, legs, and a penis (yes, a penis!).  Other than the drop in his weight percentile, there were no concerns.  The NP is not too concerned about the weight, figuring he’s just super active.



So that’s the basic stuff.  Now for some of the more personal stuff.


Saturday was Kyla’s first dance recital.  She did such a great job!  She told me “I was a little scared” when I asked how she liked being on stage, but she also enjoyed it.  It’s funny to me how she’s so much more physical/coordinated than Lucas while he’s more advanced in academics (total opposite of typical gender stereotypes!).  Otherwise, she totally fits the girl stereotype.  She’s SUCH a girly-girl.  She insists on wearing long dresses (and if they aren’t long, they aren’t “pretty” enough).  She loves nail polish and makeup (which she only knows about because of dance).  She’s also been asking for jewelry.  She got a necklace for Easter (which she immediately lost) and wanted earrings for her birthday.  Dad said no.  However, Aunt Erin decided that every girly-girl should have earrings, so she got her some clip on Sofia earrings and amulet for her birthday, which she has worn every day since.  Oh, and she insisted on buying a Sofia dress (that goes to her toes) with her birthday money.  I not very girly, so we’ve decided that she’s actually my sister’s daughter. 😉


I’m absolutely astounded at this boy.  He has started to really and truly read.  He knows several sight words and is doing amazing at sounding out words.  He’s even learned about the “bossy e.” 😉  On several occasions we’ve picked up books from the library and on the way home he’ll read the book to me from the back seat.  And most days, he spends the time between waking up and 7:00 AM (the time he’s allowed to come out of his room) reading books.  I love how much he enjoys books!  N worries that he’s going to be so far ahead when he starts kindergarden that he’s going to be bored (and get into trouble).  We’re starting them in transitional kinder for next year, to give them more time to mature and work on their speech (which has improved a lot this year).  I have a feeling N is right about him being very advanced.  But with the right teacher, he should do fine.

Big changes are coming to our household at the end of the summer.  The kids will start TK and I will be going back to work.  I got a job as the librarian in a local elementary school.  The nice thing is that they will get to come to my school when they start kindergarden in 2015.  But I have to admit that I’m not looking forward to being away from them 9 hours, 5 days a week. 😦  They will be going to school with their friends K & J and their mom will be driving them on the days that N works.  I won’t even get to be there to drop them off on their first day of school. 😦  I get all panicky every time I think about it.  But I know it’s what is best for all of us.  I’ll try to keep you updated on how it all goes.

I can’t believe how grown up they’ve gotten.  It feels like just yesterday that they were my little babies.



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Mother of the Year? {Letters to our Children}

Another month has gone by?! Time for {Letters to our Children}

Okay, so I’ll admit I’ve not been that great a mom lately. Not that I’ve become a neglectful, abusive hag or anything, but I have been taking the easy way out a lot of the time. I use the excuse that we’ve been really busy lately (and we have) but I sometimes think I take you out and about just so I don’t have to come up with something to entertain you.

Today you asked to paint. My initial reaction was “NO!” I’ve learned that I’m a huge perfectionist and the mess that results from painting with you two can really make me twitch. But I know that making messes is just a part of being a kid. And I’m trying, REALLY trying, to get over my own personality quirks to let you two explore your own.

So I took the plunge and brought out the finger paints. I could tell that you have been a student of Mommy’s “don’t make a mess” school of thought by the way you were very timid about getting the paint on you.

One finger at a time.

One finger at a time.

Can't get too messy!

Can’t get too messy!

You only used one finger on each hand until I told you to put some paint on your nose so I could take a picture to send to your aunt.

On my nose?!

On my nose?!

You mean we can be messy?

You mean we can be messy?

Then you went to town! LOL. I was cringing inside, but could see how much you were loving every moment.

Now we're talkin'!

Now we’re talkin’!

I has a beard!

I has a beard!

Look at us!

Look at us!

Then I made the mistake of going to the bathroom. The next thing I knew, you were both in the bathroom trying to wash your hands and faces. Your motivation was admirable, but the counter and sinks were quickly becoming blue! Rather than get upset, as I might have on other occasions, I suggested we get into the bath. And because your paint shirts were covered in paint as well, I said to get in with your shirts on! I even added shaving cream to the sides of the bath for you to play in!



Look!  I clean!

Look! I clean!

The look on your faces as you played was pure joy! I’m so glad I didn’t miss that moment because of my twitchiness about mess. You two continue to teach me more and more every day. I’m still not getting it exactly right, but I think I’ve come a long way!

Some of my friends in my moms group and I have decided to create a blog circle where we will share monthly letters to our children. Please check out my friend, Carolyn’s, beautiful letter to her children here and then follow our circle around until you get back to me.


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Color Run and Mom Guilt

I’m going to try to start out with the positive:

I did it! I completed the Color Run 5K!! I had wanted to complete it in 45 minutes or less, but did not quite make that. However, I did finish in under an hour (I think it was about 55 minutes), which is still pretty good. I did not stop (except when there were slow downs around a color station) and I actually ran some of it. N walked next to me and cheered me on the whole way. We had a great time and we think we’re going to sign up for the next one, which is in November. This time we’re going to bring the kids along. They’re already excited about it!

Color me done!

Color me done!

I sent a picture of myself after the run to my electrophysiologist and he said “THAT pic belongs on the Medtronic Calendar!!” LOL

In other running news, last night I attempted week 4 of my C25K program. And I DID IT!!!!!!!! 😀 Week 4 consists of a 3 minute run, 90 second walk, 5 minute run, 2.5 minute walk, then repeat. This is the first week where the walk time is shorter than the run time. I can say I’m shocked I was able to do it, but at the same time I had faith that my God would see me through it. My prayers as I walked/ran this time were less pleading than last week. Instead I simply said “I know You can help me through this, Lord,” and indeed he did! Even more exciting (for me) is that I did just over 2 miles in 30 minutes. That’s my fastest time ever!

Okay, now time for the guilt. 😦

Last Monday Kyla got sick. She had a bout of diarrhea, ran a temp, and was coughing. I took her to the doctor and we eliminated the possibility of strep or the flu. It was declared a virus and we were sent home to let it run its course. The next day she was all better. The cough remained, but that did not concern me. The fever being gone meant that even though she couldn’t go to speech that day (Tuesday), she could go the next day. My MIL stayed with her while I took Lucas to speech on Tuesday.

Wednesday came and we had plans to go see DH’s grandmother. Well, Lucas started coughing a little, but nothing too bad. I debated on canceling, but felt guilt over the fact that Granny was alone this week and we kept canceling (we’d had to cancel Monday). I called and asked her opinion and she said to come on over. So we did. And that night as I put Lucas to bed, I suspected he might be running a fever. I didn’t take it until the next morning. When it was 103.6. 😦

I assumed he had the same thing as Kyla. Other than the diarrhea, he had the same symptoms. So I didn’t bother with the doctor. Friday came and he still had the fever. Okay, so it was lasting longer for him, but that’s not unusual. We stayed home from Bible Study and I debated over and over again what to do about the Color Run. I wanted SO much to do the run, but at the same time did not want to leave my sick son with my MIL (both because of him and her). She told me she was fine with it and so I took them over to spend the night before going to pick up our race packet then meet up with N for a late dinner.

MIL said Lucas slept very restlessly and the morning was spent snuggling and watching TV because he was miserable. 😦 He was still running a fever and would go back and forth between acting normal and like he felt awful. We took the kids home to take a nap and he slept for 3 hours and woke up saying his ear hurt. We had plans to go back to MIL’s for dinner because BIL was in town. Again, I debated on going. We went. I also called Granny and found out that she was sick as well.

Sunday dawned and it seemed like Lucas’ fever might be gone. He stayed home with N while Kyla and I went to church and before we got home his fever was back. And MIL was sick. So we made the decision that he definitely needed to see the doctor the next morning.

When he woke up he was acting like he felt fine and I wondered if taking him to the doctor was going to just be a waste of money. I took him anyway, and I guess that’s the first thing I’ve done right. The doctor said she heard crackling in his lungs and his temp, while not officially a “fever” was still higher than “normal.” She prescribed an antibiotic and said she was treating it as pneumonia. If he’s not better in 48 hours, we’d do a full work up.

When I texted MIL the news she must have decided to get herself looked at and went to the Minute Clinic at CVS. She was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. I called Granny and she was not doing better, so she went back to the doctor. She’s now been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. 😦 So now not only do I feel awful for putting my desire to do the Color Run above being there for my sick child (and not taking him to the doctor sooner), but I also feel guilty for getting MIL and Granny sick. 😦

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I think I deserve a medal. After my shower, I walked in to find this:

Kyla's Room

Kyla’s Room

And this:

Lucas' Room

Lucas’ Room

It took all of my power not to blow up. Instead I quietly said “Go to the living room. Now.” When the inevitable “Why?” came I replied “So I won’t yell.” Lucas immediately ran for the living room (Kyla wasn’t in the room at the time).

I picked everything up, then went to find them. They had gone outside. In their PJs and no shoes.

Again, I held it together and said “If you want to go to Emily and Noah’s, you need to come in and get dressed.” Kyla said she didn’t want to go, then Lucas joined in. I said “Fine. My car is leaving in 10 minutes. If you want to go with it, get dressed” and I walked away. They both ran inside and got dressed faster than ever.

Maybe I can do this.


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My Running Partner


Today I came very close to weeping with the overwhelming knowledge that God is there, carrying me through my challenges.

In January I started a Couch to 5K program using an Indy Christian Podcast to talk me through each week’s series of walks/runs. I got through Weeks 1 and 2 before we went to Florida for our vacation. It was impossible to fit in a run while we were in Disney (did manage to run at one of the hotels on the way there), so I fell behind. I fell even more behind when I got sick and was coughing too much to run.

I started back at Week 1 at the beginning of March. Because of N’s schedule I can’t always run every other day, as the program suggests, but I try to run on the days he is home if at all possible. I finished Weeks 1 and 2 once again and today it was time to move on to Week 3.

I knew that this one consisted of a 90 second run, 90 second walk, 3 minute run, 3 minute walk, repeat. It terrified me.

For those who have been following from the beginning (not many of you) you know I am a heart patient and have been my entire life. I was exempt from PE all through school, including college. I’ve had 4 pacemakers, 3 ICDs, 2 open heart surgeries, 1 closed heart, and a partridge in a pear tree. 😉 I have never been able to run. Ever. But since getting my bi-v ICD in 2007 my heart has gotten stronger. And the kids have definitely made me stronger. But mostly, God is continuing to make me stronger every day.

So when I got to the Rec Center where I run on their indoor track (way too cold today to run outside!) I started to pray. I prayed through the entire 5 minute warm up walk. Please, God, help me get through this run. Help me have the strength. Help me. I repeated my prayer over and over for that 5 minutes.

And you know what? He was there. He was listening. And He showed Himself in a more tangible way than I would have imagined.

As I started my first 90 second run I got caught behind a group of other exercising members. Some were attempting to get around the slower walkers, which meant that the way was blocked. So I was forced to jog slowly. N has reminded me that the “run” should be a slow jog, not an all out run. I thought of his words and realized that God was reminding me as well. I slowly jogged behind the fast walkers until they were out of the way, but continued my slower jog as I passed them. Before I knew it, the 90 seconds was over and I wasn’t out of breath.

I thought to myself Thanks for the reminder, God. And when the 3 minute run began, I had confidence that He was with me. Sure enough, He put road blocks in front of me once again to help me keep a steady pace. Not only did I make it through that 3 minute run, but my confidence started to build. I can do this. God is with me.

At the end of the last 3 minute run I was close to tears. I had done it. And I was even a little disappointed that the run part was over. Because I had so much energy and confidence following that run that I could have gone even longer. I spent the 5 minute cool down walk praising Him and thanking Him for giving me strength, a husband that believes in me, doctors that have the wisdom to get me where I am today. I thanked Him with my whole being. And if I hadn’t been in public, I would have been weeping with the joy I felt in His love.

He does love me. He wants me to succeed. He wants to give me strength. All I have to do is ask. So now I am asking Him for the strength to meet the Orange Rhino Challenge. I know He is there for me. And with His help, I can succeed.

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New Habit Day 8

So I’ve actually gotten up at 6 AM every day for the last 8 (even the morning after staying out until after midnight with friends!). I’ve learned a few things.

  1. It really is getting easier.
  2. I probably shouldn’t use the computer as my “wake up” tool.
  3. Lucas really needs to work on his wake up time. Or maybe it’s time to cut out nap? Please say it ain’t so!
  4. I’m not quite so quick to irritate in the mornings if I’ve been up a while before the kids are.
  5. However, I’m also learning that my wake up time is not the only factor in my irritation level. I have many triggers, some I don’t want to admit, and some I’ve yet to figure out.

Today I clicked on a link from FB that took me to an article titled “10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling At My Kids.” and it was just what I needed to see. Isn’t it wonderful how God leads us to the answers we seek? I then began to explore the rest of the site and have decided to take on the challenge.

I told N I wanted to make it a contest between us and he just glared and said “you win.” He even has the advantage that he sees the kids at least 3 fewer days a week than I do!

Oh well. Even without N, I plan to take the challenge. Not sure I’m quite ready to say 365 days, but I’ll start with 30 at a time. When I’ve met the first 30, I will reward myself and the kids. Not sure yet what the reward will be, but I’ll need one that is for all 3 of us and one that is just for me. I’ll come back and update when I figure out what my rewards will be. And if I can go 365 days, THAT reward will be a big one!

So who wants to join the challenge with me?!

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Letters to our Children- February 2013

A group of friends and I have decided to start a monthly blog circle of letters to our children. Here is my contribution.

Dear Kyla and Lucas,

You are 4 months shy of being 4 years old. How is that possible? You are growing so fast and I want to relish every moment. The thought of the days when I won’t get to be with you all day every day terrify me. Yes, I occasionally need a break, but when I’m away from you for very long I am left with a hole in my being that can only be filled by the two of you.

Kyla, you and I butt heads a LOT lately. It makes me dread the teenage years, but at the same time I look forward to seeing the woman you will become. You know exactly who you are and aren’t afraid to express your opinion. You let everyone around you know exactly how you are feeling. You had been rather shy for quite some time, but in the last few weeks I’ve seen you come out of your shell. You’re branching out and playing with others, rather than watching from the sidelines. It both thrills me to see this, and makes me sad that you’re not sticking to me like glue as you used to. I love the extreme joy you express when your happy, even when it is often flipped on its head by your extreme anger and/or frustration if things don’t go the way you want them to. In so many ways, you are just like me (sorry about that). It thrills me that I have the opportunity to see your personality develop and grow. Please know that no matter how frustrated I may get from time to time, I love you always, always.

Gettin' her groove on!

Gettin’ her groove on!

Lucas, my heart belongs to you. You can melt me with a simple snuggle, a “Mom, I love you,” or a giggle. My heart breaks when you are scared, which seems to be a lot lately. I wish I knew how to calm your fears. I pray that you know how loved you are. You are so incredibly amazing. You’re smart, and funny, and so much like your dad. Daddy says he doesn’t see it, but I’m not talking about looks. I’m talking about your sense of humor, your compassion for others, your ability to see patterns and remember things you’ve only seen or heard once. You stun me. I love seeing you learn. You don’t want to spend a lot of time on something, but only because it doesn’t take long for you to figure it out and move on. I know it won’t be long before you are reading on your own because you want it so badly. I only hope I am the right teacher to get you there. I want only the best for you. You are my best buddy.

Dancing to his own beat.

Dancing to his own beat.

The two of you are at a point where you both love each other and drive each other crazy. There are times that I watch you and see the twinkle in your eyes when you’re doing something you know will bug your sibling. But you can also be incredibly sweet together. I know you will always love and protect each other.

Love Each Other

Kids, you are my joy. I love you with all my heart and cannot imagine a life without you in it. Your hugs renew me. Your smiles and laughter light my life. You are my Sunshine and Texas Rose forever.


Happy Valentine’s everyone!! And please go check out the beautiful Valentine’s letter my friend Carrie wrote to her children as well.


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