Brick Wall

Some days I feel like I’m talking to a couple of brick walls. Then, the more frustrated I get, all I seem to do is beat my head against said walls.

I know that the kids are two. I know they say they are “terrible.” But really, the one that is terrible is me. At the end of the day, when all is quiet, I want to yell at myself for how awful I’ve been. Yes, I’m great about playing with my kids, giving them things to do to help them learn and grow. But I do not react well when they do the exact opposite of what I’ve told them to do. It angers me. I try to stay calm, but when they continue to be defiant I yell. The more I yell, the worse they become. It’s almost like I can see what I’m doing and know that I’m in the wrong, but don’t have control over my own anger. I want my kids to listen to me because they respect what I have to say, not because they are scared of me. When I make my children cry it makes me want to cry as well.

I always apologize. But I know that’s not enough. I need to be a better example. I need to show them how to constructively handle every situation. I need to be different. And I know the only person that can change me is me.

Now, I’m not always like this. I can be quite patient with them and feel confident that I’m doing a good job. But the more tired I get, the more they challenge me at every turn, the more days in a row I go without much of a break, the worse my reactions become.

I think it’s time to challenge myself. Each day I go without yelling, keep calm, and set the example I want for my kids, I will mark on a calendar. I think it will be a wake up call. Seeing a visual of my behavior will keep me accountable and prayerful. I know I can’t do this without His help. God does not want me to be this kind of parent, so I know He will help me become a better me.

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3 Comments

Filed under Anger, emotions, Faith, Parenting, toddlers

3 responses to “Brick Wall

  1. You are definitely a great mom. But also remember you are teaching your kids great things even when you are not at your best. You are teaching them that when you get frustrated and angry that it’s always good to come back and apologize and how to communicate after the tense moments. And everybody has those moments. So you’re doing a great job in showing them how to navigate those too.

  2. sarah

    great idea. i struggle with this as well. i feel so defeated every night. i have to change my behavior and it’s hard. i’m leaning on Christ, but not enough. i need to pray more about the situation and find scripture to repeat in my head instead.

  3. I feel the same way. I don’t yell a lot but sometimes I get in a rut and I feel like all day long I either am saying no or yelling. My son just starting saying stop yelling so loud at me mommy. When he did this he really looked like he was going to cry, and that made me want to cry. I try and try and try and when I feel like I”m getting no where I get frustrated. Being a parent is hard!!

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