Yes, it begins well before the baby is in her arms. Mothers worry. I know this. I’ve always known this. And it has long since begun for me in regards to my two little ones.
Thursday we will be going up to have a fetal echo. This is to check the babies’ hearts and make sure they haven’t inherited my wacky heart instead of my nose or chin. For the most part I’m confident they are fine. We have no evidence that my heart defects are genetic, and quite possibly could be a total fluke. But that doesn’t stop that tiny little grain of doubt to creep into the back of my mind. What if I’ve set up my babies for a life of cardiologist appointments, medication, and surgeries? How am I going to live with that guilt? Yes, they have the advantage of having us as parents, being that we’re VERY familiar with the medical world and will make sure they are taken care of in the best possible way. Not only that, but I can prepare them for what they will face on a personal level, not just medical. However, even with that, and the fact that I am aware that my heart defects have made me the person (and parent) I am today, I would not wish this on my children for all the world.
So I’m hoping to breathe a heavy sigh of relief on Thursday afternoon.