Tonight we will POAS to find out if LD is pregnant. She had her blood drawn yesterday, so as soon as we see the results of the HPT she’s going to call and get the beta results. She says she feels pregnant, so she’s just ready to have the tests confirm it.
I don’t guess I realized how much I would be jealous that she is feeling all of these things and can have so much confidence that it worked. I mean, I trust her and I’m confident as well, but I kind of feel numb. It’s like all of the stuff I could do in this process is done and now I’m left to just twiddle my thumbs. Almost anti-climactic, if that makes sense. I know I am going to be going through all kinds of roller coaster feelings the next 8-9 months, so I guess I should get used to it. But for now, I guess I feel somewhat separated from things. And I know that is not anyone’s fault. LD has made sure to tell me all about the things she’s feeling. And I want to know and would be upset if she didn’t tell me. But at the same time it seems to drive home the fact that I’m not feeling them… Does that make sense?
I’m not writing this to make anyone feel sorry for me or to make anything change. I’m just writing it down to help myself understand why I’m feeling somewhat numb today. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to find out if we’re pregnant, and I’m already counting down the hours. But all of my emotions are all mixed up and even through the excitement I’m fighting back the tears. I have a feeling this is going to be my “normal” for awhile. 😦