2 AM ramblings

Well, here it is, two in the morning and I can’t sleep… I can barely stay awake during the day, but the lights go out and my eyes remain open. šŸ˜¦

Even more drama has been added to the plate. When I did my blood work for the pre-admitting yesterday they (naturally) took my INR. It was over 6! šŸ˜® So the EP called in a prescription for vit. K. Two pills. Took one yesterday and will take the other today. I’m wondering if the sudden spike (last I checked I was in range!) is due to the IVF meds that I started on Wednesday. No one was ever able to tell me if it would have an effect on my INR. I had planned to check my INR just prior to starting the drugs, then checking again a couple of days later, just to see. However, I got distracted by the ICD incident, so I did not take it on Wednesday. And now the experiment would be useless, since I’m coming off of coumadin for the surgery.

Also, N came very close to taking me to the ER last night. He could not concentrate at work, so he came home early to be with me. Despite my hanging out in bed, he was by my side the whole night (he brought his lap top into the bedroom as well). Being the cardiac nurse he is, he began listening to my breathing, unbeknownst to me. He said my breathing was fast and shallow and it had him concerned. He made me get up and take my lasix a little early to see if that would help. It must have satisfied him enough because he didn’t rush me off to the hospital. Hopefully the very low key weekend I’ve got mapped out will keep me from getting to the point that I need to be admitted prior to Monday. Though I must admit that between N and my cardiologist worrying about my breathing I’m beginning to worry a tiny bit myself (but not enough to want to be in the hospital if I can help it!).

Quite frankly, I’m looking forward to Monday getting here so that I can start feeling better. I’ve had dark and gloomy thoughts for the last few days. Like: How I can expect to take care of a kid if I’m going to feel like this from time to time? How will I take care of a kid after surgery, of which I know I’ll be having plenty more in the future? I also thought about the transplant everyone says is in my future. Is this how I’m going to have to feel while I wait for transplant? How am I going to do that? How will Nathan survive that? A few days is one thing. But months or years? These are not thoughts I want to be having. Right now I should be happy and bubbly over the upcoming transfer. This should be a happy time. Instead I’ve got this gloomy Eeyore cloud over my head. šŸ˜¦ I hope this weekend passes quickly! (I never thought I’d utter THAT sentence!)

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Filed under emotions, heart, husband, meds, sleep, stress, waiting

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