When I started this blog I certainly was in a different place than I am today. I was agonizing, lamenting, and stressing over the all encompassing desire to become a mom. Today I can honestly say I know it will happen. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, it may not even be the Sept/Oct transfer we’re hoping for. But that doesn’t matter. It will happen when it’s SUPPOSED to happen. God will bless me with a child when the right one is ready. HE is in control.
I’ve always had some degree of faith. But I’ve not been the most diligent about maintaining the relationship with God that helps to ease the stress and feel at peace. The last several weeks I’ve been calling on the Lord and thanking Him for his love and understanding. I have one person in particular to thank for bringing me back on the right path (other than God, of course). And that is LD. Talking to her over the last few months we’ve realized that God certainly had His hand it getting us together. But even more is the fact that she has been speaking so joyfully about her new church and the messages she feels have been meant just for her. It reminded me of how much I miss that relationship with God that I had back in college. It was when I was diligent in prayer, worship, and my relationship with Him that I met N and we fell in love. He was instrumental in that. And I know He is the one that will bring us to parenthood when He sees we are ready. Not just in our heads, but in our spirits.
Even when I was an active member of a Christian Fellowship in college I kept my faith pretty private, except with those with which I attended worship and Bible study. But lately, as I’ve reconnected with God and started a personal Bible study (though a study guide), I’ve been sharing with everyone I’ve come into contact with. I feel such joy in Him. And the peace of knowing that whatever happens will be the right thing. While this may not have been MY plan, it is His plan. And that is comforting.
Thank you, Lord, for helping me to find this peace and not worry about the results of the clomid challenge or anything that is yet to come. And thank you, LD, for helping me reconnect with Him. I think that gift is just as precious as the one you’re offering to us through carrying our child. God bless you.