Yesterday we went to visit N’s aunt so we could see her granddaughter, C, who is 5 years old (N’s cousin’s kid). At first N wasn’t sure if he felt like going, since the last two times we’ve gone to see her she didn’t take to N like he had hoped (of course, being that there was a crowd of people around, she was a bit overwhelmed… It was at a wedding!). Anyway, she seemed to be okay with him this time and even played with him a little. I tried to hang back so that he and his sister (who hadn’t seen C since she was a baby) could play with her (and I wouldn’t seem like I was trying to be “maternal”). But later in the evening she started climbing all over me and using me as a jungle gym. I was EXHAUSTED!
On the way home N says “So you want to impregnate some chick this summer, huh?” (Yes, he has such a way with words, doesn’t he?) I said “Well, yes, but only if you’re ready.” A conversation then ensued (And I didn’t have to start it! Woo Hoo!). So he said lots of things, but these are the things that stick out: “When we’re around kids I think ‘Sure, it would be cool to have one.’ but when I actually think about being ‘pregnant’ in just six months it freaks me the *&^% out.” (I told him I can understand that completely. It is a bit freaky.) “I mean, if we spend our life savings on a kid now, we’ll never get to do all the things we’ve talked about doing.” (He’s referring to taking trips, getting his big TV, and mostly trips.) “I don’t want to feel like I’m holding you back. I want you to be happy.” (I told him I didn’t want to push him into something he’s not ready for and that if waiting is what he wants to do, then that’s okay.) “I’m kind of wishing I’d gotten my *&^% together sooner so we could have had time for just us and two incomes before getting a kid.” “I don’t want our kid to be too far removed from W. I want them to grow up together.” (I fully agreed with this one.) “How about we look at our bank accounts and our bills and figure out a plan
to put money into both a ‘baby fund’ and a ‘fun fund’ so we can still do some of the things we talked about?” I told him that would be fine.
So that’s where we are. I’m going to work on a plan based on what we have in the bank right now (would probably be “good enough” to start a journey, but not if we’re separating some for “fun”) and figure out how much we can add to each “fund” every month. Then we’ll see how long it will be before we can start a journey. Before I do that, though, I have a couple of questions:
1. How much, overall, surrogacy to cost? I figured I needed at least $30K in the bank to get started. We might need more than that, but we’d have 9 months to get the rest together while the baby is incubating.
2. How much do other IMs have saved before they started?
3. How much goes to people other than the SM (lawyers, doctors, etc.)?
4. How much cushion should we have for the “worst case scenario” situations (like bed rest, premie, etc.)
I’ve asked these questions on TOSS and I’m still waiting on responses.
I’m pleased that we are at least heading in a direction. This morning I sat down with our bank statements (online) and did some figuring. Right now we have about $27K in savings. When looking at the money we bring in each month compared to how much goes out for bills, etc. I figure we have about $1K left over to put in savings. Personally, I’d rather not wait more than two years to start “making” a kid. So I’d like to be able to put about 60% in “baby fund” and 40% in “fun fund” (if not more in “baby fund”) so that we can add it up faster. If we put in $600 per month we’d end up with about $7,200 at the end of a year. That’s not much. If we start out with, say $15K, in the baby fund, that makes only $22,200. But add another 6 months of saving (and perhaps “donations” from birthdays, anniversaries, etc.), we could have enough to feel comfortable starting in summer of 2009. That sure sounds an awful long way away… 😦
So let’s look at it another way. Say we start out with $15K in the baby fund, and add $750 each month. That would make $24K at the end of a year. That’s not much more than the $600 scenario.
Any way I look at it, unless I use a bigger chunk of our $27K, we’re looking at waiting at least a year and a half to two years. 😦 Well, at least we have a plan (sort of).
Oh! And I just got an email from an IM friend of mine on TOSS. She says that when all is said and done, she’ll probably have spent $65K on surrogacy (they’ve had to try 3 times, but they also had frozen embryos, so they didn’t have to pay for egg retrieval at least). Maybe it will be closer to 3-4 years… 😦 😦 😦