Too hard?

I’m not sure if I’m prepared for the search to come. I’m not real good at taking rejection, but I know I’m bound to have lots of it when we start looking for a GS. I’m not sure I like that thought.

A few days ago I went out on a limb and emailed MB to plant the idea of working together in her brain. She was working the last few days and didn’t have a chance to email back (but did send a quick, “I’ll reply soon” email just to let me know she wasn’t ignoring me). I finally got her full reply today. She said, while she had considered working with us, she was also concerned about how we would afford it IF she had to go on bed rest, considering the fact that she makes more than $850/week. She made a very good point. And I’m glad she was honest put it out there. I’m now better prepared to think about how much money we might need. However, now I’m scared about that too!

I just don’t know if I can find the right person. I don’t want to use an agency, but I’m not sure if I’m cut out for filtering through all the GSs out there either. This just confirms to me that I really need to stop looking at/for a potential surro until N and I have talked in January. I need to make sure N and I are looking for the same things and have him involved in the search.

Or maybe it isn’t such a terrible idea to just not be parents. It’s easier. A lot easier… Why does this have to be so hard?!? 😦

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