Sebastian ain’t got nothin’ on me!

I’ve been incredibly crabby lately. Especially with N. I don’t know what it is, really. I suppose it could be that I hate how content he is with the way things are when I want so badly to be moving towards making changes. It’s not that I’m not happy with the way things are, I just want to make headway to building our family. But at the same time, I’m not sure if that’s what I really want… I absolutely know I want a kid. But I’m not sure if I could handle it. Every time I go down to spend time with my sister and her 5 month old son I wonder how in the world I could possibly handle it when it’s every day for years to come, instead of just a week or less. I get so tired when I am staying with them. And when she leaves him with me I do nothing but watch him. What happens when I add in work, cooking, cleaning, etc.? I just don’t know. I realize that N will do some of the work, but I’m sure I’ll probably end up doing the brunt of it, as most women tend to do.

I know it’s silly to be worried about these things, but I also assume it’s natural. After all, it’s a life altering decision and you can’t take it back. I know that I will give our baby the number one thing it would need: love. I can give that in abundance. And I assume that a kid who has to grow up with me for a mom will adjust to my abilities as much as possible. I know God will not give me more than I can handle. I just hope I can handle a baby…

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Filed under emotions, husband, waiting

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