I finally told some of my family that I have set up the consultation appointment. I hadn’t planned to, but my dad’s wife and my SIL (my brother’s wife) asked me when we might be considering doing the kid thing. I wound up telling them I have the appointment on Tuesday, but it’s just a consultation to get questions answered and nothing will start happening until next year. They were both very excited and spent a lot of the afternoon asking me questions about the progress.
My dad’s wife asked me a question that made me put into words what I’ve thought for a long time. She asked “If you get your surrogate pregnant and then find out the baby has birth defects, what will you do?” She didn’t mean anything negative by it, just wanted to know, since I’d mentioned what the Mayo doc had said. My reply to her was, “Nothing. We’d continue with the pregnancy. As a matter of fact, when I hear about people who terminate a pregnancy just because the child isn’t ‘perfect’ I am personally offended. It’s like they are saying I shouldn’t have had the chance to live because I am not ‘perfect.’ And quite frankly, I like being alive.” I went on to say that I do not have a problem with people doing tests to find out if the child has a defect, just so they can be prepared. But no way do I approve of terminating a pregnancy because of the results. I shared the conversation with my mom and she she feels the same way. So even if they had had the technology 30 years ago, it’s good to know I would have still been born. Not that I really had any doubt.
I also told my mom about the appointment. I said something like “Oh, did I tell you I have a consultation appointment set up?” like it was no big deal. She said, “Uh, no you didn’t.” I went on to tell her about the appointment plans and how I felt when my husband didn’t realize that he was expected to come. She tried to assure me that it’s normal with couples who are dealing with fertility issues that the woman tends to obsess a little, and the husband doesn’t generally understand what all the fuss is about. It felt good to get all of my worries out in the open. My mom is always a good source to turn to when I need to vent. I hate doing it, because then it makes my husband sound like an awful guy (when he’s not, by any means). I’m very lucky to have a mom that I can talk to about anything. I guess I hadn’t talked to her about it because I didn’t want her to think I was obsessing either (even though I probably am). But now that we’ve talked I feel like she understands my obsession.
Overall I think today was a good day for me. Oh! And I found out that my IM friend is actually friends with my SIL too! Small world! We had quite a good laugh about it with my family, and then I immediately called my IM friend to share and got to laugh with her as well (I was glad I could put a smile on her face in the midst of the two week wait).
One more thing I did today: I started writing a rough draft of a surrogacy ad. I’m thinking that IF the consultation goes well Tuesday, I may post my ad to TOSS (my small group of surrogacy friends) and get their feedback, then consider posting it on SMO (major source of matching possibilities and surrogacy info).