10.03.09

Finally, some news

Posted in delays, doctor's appts., family, husband, stress, waiting at 10:59 am by heartjourney

We finally heard from the scheduler yesterday. She knew nothing about it needing to be done sooner rather than later and the doctor is out of town. She texted the doctor to find out what he wanted done, since the only spot on the schedule that she could see to squeeze N in would be Monday. This was at 4:30 on Friday afternoon. She was kind enough to take N’s information home with her so that if she heard from the doctor she could contact him over the weekend.

She called yesterday evening to say that the surgeon does want him squeezed into the schedule on Monday. But she’s waiting to find out if the hospital will have the OR space for him. So N is to plan on having surgery Monday, nothing to eat or drink after midnight Sunday, and by 9:30 we should know if he has to come to the hospital or not. Nothing like last minute warning! I sure hope they fit him in so we can get it over with.

After the surgery he will not be allowed to return to work for 3 months. Also, he’ll have lifting restrictions for that 3 months that mean he won’t be able to pick up the kids (he hasn’t been allowed to since the doc saw his MRI and said he was surprised he was walking). It’s going to be difficult, but I know we have lots of love, support, and prayers backing us up. We can meet the challenge. I do not like being on this side of the OR, but N has seen me through so much and I will do everything I can to help him through this.

09.26.09

Surgery with a side of stress

Posted in doctor's appts., husband, stress at 9:54 am by heartjourney

N went to a different neurosurgeon on Wednesday because we found out that his insurance will pay 100% of the hospital bill if he does it at the hospital for which he works. That surgeon said he was surprised N is even walking with as much constriction as he has. He sent him for another MRI (with contrast this time) to rule out the 1% chance that it is cancer or a tumor instead of a bone fragment (it’s not). He was told not to work and not to lift so much as a jug of milk until after surgery. Which has made taking care of the twins interesting. I can put them in his lap, but he can’t pick them up at all.

We went back to the surgeon’s office yesterday to have him look at the new MRI and to discuss the surgery. He wants it done as soon as possible. He’s not able to squeeze him in next week, but he said he would stay late to do it the following week if that’s what it takes. We’re waiting to hear from the scheduler to find out if surgery will be Oct. 6 or 8 and what time.

The doctor showed us what he will do and said the surgery will only take 45 minutes to an hour. He’ll stay one night at the hospital. The first 3 weeks he still will have a 5 pound weight limit. At that point it will go up to 15 pounds. So he still may not be able to lift the kids. And because there’s no “light duty” unless you’re injured on the job, he won’t be allowed to go back to work for three months. :o

We went by HR after the appointment to find out if N has short term disability. He does not. :( He does have long term disability, but that doesn’t kick in until after 3 months. So money is going to be reeeeeeally tight this year. And I’m pretty sure stress levels will be at a premium.

09.19.09

Our Soap Opera continues

Posted in doctor's appts., family, husband, stress at 8:50 am by heartjourney

I know, I know. You’re thinking “what now???” It’s really just a continuation, really. N went to a neurosurgeon to look at his back. He needed a more recent MRI (his last one was nearly a year ago), and he finally had that done Wednesday, then saw the doc right after. His back has actually been feeling much better recently, so what the doc said wound up being a shock.

Apparently he has a “bone fragment” that has broken off of one of his spinal discs, has “floated” down the spine, and is constricting his spinal cord. If it moves much more, the doc said it could effect his bowls, bladder, sexual performance, etc. Yikes! So pretty much his options are 1) have surgery or 2) potentially lose all feeling in his lower extremities. Of course, we’re going with option 1, though we don’t have a date set just yet. We’re trying to figure out when and where would be best. Basically, he’ll be out of commission for 4-6 weeks. No work, which means no $ (since I don’t bring in enough to pay the bills with my part time job). *sigh*

Fortunately, we do have some savings, so we won’t starve. But we were hoping that savings would be the start of a couple of college funds for the kids. I guess it’s better to feed them, for now.

09.06.09

When it rains…

Posted in M.O.M., Parenting, babies, doctor's appts., emotions, family, friends, heart, husband, meds, stress at 1:39 pm by heartjourney

Well, it’s certainly been pouring around here. And I’m not just referring to the storm on Thursday night.

*****Warning- may contain “TMI” for those with sensitive stomachs.*******

Tuesday, after I’d been admitted to the hospital, N was finally able to have a bowl movement (he’d been constipated from the pain meds) and it was black and tarry. A sure sign of a GI bleed. Not only that, but his back, which seemed to be getting better, started feeling worse.

So on Wednesday morning he had his mother come over to watch the twinfants while he went to the doctor. He mentioned the stool and they drew some blood, but had to send it out to be tested. That night, he coughed until he threw up, and that too showed signs of blood. The next morning he called to tell me (yes, he waited until morning to tell me).

He couldn’t decide if he should try to get in with the GI doc the GP had recommended or go to the ER. He was afraid that the ER would make him stay overnight. He tried calling the GI doc, but the number was no longer working. By this point he had brought the twins to my hospital room and his mother had met him there. I asked him what he was going to do and he said “I’ll just wait and see if it happens again.” I was not happy with that response, but didn’t know how to make him go in. Fortunately, I didn’t have to.

He had fallen asleep on my bed when his phone rang. It was his GP’s office with his lab results. It was a fairly short conversation, but the gist of it was “Go to the ER now.” Since he was already in one hospital (a heart specialty hospital) he simply walked across the street to the main hospital and into the ER.

A friend of mine from M.O.M. was visiting at the time and she offered to stay and help with the twins so that my MIL could go with N. He argued and said he was fine on his own and wouldn’t let her come with him. She asked me what I wanted and I said I wanted someone with him. So she ate a little lunch, giving him time to get settled at the ER, then went looking for him. Again, he kicked her out. :/

At this point I’d called some other friends of mine to come help with the twins so my M.O.M. friend could get back to her twins. I got a few updates from N via text, but felt so clueless as to what was going on. I hated it. I did, however, know that they were giving him a blood transfusion and planned to admit him overnight so they could do a colonoscopy and endoscopy in the morning. My MIL volunteered to keep the twins over night. While my friends were still there, she went to the store to pick up diapers to make it through the night. At least we knew I’d be home the next day!

After everyone (including my precious babies. :( ) was gone, I felt SO restless and could not concentrate on anything at all. I called my mom to let her know what was going on and she asked “What about the dogs?” OMG, I’d completely forgotten about my dogs!! :o I felt horrible! I was able to get my college roommate, who lives only 5 minutes from us, to go over to let them out and feed them. Thank goodness my mother reminded me!

I also called N’s dad, who happened to be on the way home from work. He said he would go home to change, then head over to see N. Soon after I got a text from N saying they decided to do the endoscopy that night instead of in the morning and wanting to know if there was anyone still with me who could come get his backpack. There wasn’t, so I said I’d find someone. I didn’t think his dad would be there soon enough (turned out he was), so I called his aunt, hoping she would be close by (she works close to the hospital and passes it on the way home. Low and behold, she was on her way home and only had to take a slight detour to get to N quickly. She and N’s dad waited while they did the procedure and kept me updated, which I appreciated very much.

It turns out N has 3 ulcers, a hiatal hernia, and esopogitis. :o Dang! He was moved into a room where they gave him his second unit of blood. I felt so trapped in my hospital room. I wanted so much to be there for him, not to mention feeling overwhelmed at the circumstances surrounding the twins’ first night away from both of us. It’s a wonder I slept at all.

But I did. And I woke up to the sound of my phone notifying me of a text (well, I woke several other times, too, due to the usual hospital interruptions). It was N, saying “We could totally chat on Facepages!” lol So I got on my computer so we could talk to each other. Not sure why we didn’t just use the phone, but it was good to converse with him anyway.

My nurse (I had the same one all 4 days!) knew what was going on, so she brought me my final dose of tikosyn early so that she could do the EKG and get me discharged as quickly as possible. I don’t think I’ve ever had a discharge go that quickly! God bless her! She even walked me over to the main hospital via skybridge. Oddly enough, we ran into my EP on the way! When he heard what was going on he rolled his eyes and said, “Well, the good news is, you stayed in sinus rhythm through all that!” :/ He walked most of the way with us then went wherever he’d been headed.

I got to N’s room by 9:30 AM. His mom brought the twins and we all waited to find out what was going to happen. Poor N hadn’t had anything to eat since the morning before because he had been NPO for the endoscopy, they lifted it in the middle of the night, but then reinstated it before he could have breakfast because his blood levels were lower than they liked. :( The GI doc finally came by around noon and said as far as he was concerned, N was clear to go home that day, but it was up to his admitting doc. She came by a little later and said she wanted two more lab draws before sending him home, but did allow him to eat.

We decided I would go home with the twins and come back to get him (or his mom would) if he was released. Turns out, he was not. His blood was not where she wanted it to be, so the doc kept him one more night. I was so ready for the whole family to sleep under our own roof again!

The next morning N called to say he’d been released. He said the doc didn’t really want to, but knew he was a nurse and knew what to watch for. N’s mom picked him up and brought him home. He has to go in for a repeat endoscopy in a few weeks to check on his esophogitis and he has an appointment with a back specialist on Tuesday. Today we are all taking it easy. It’s been a really long week! I’m ready to get off this soap opera!!!

08.16.09

I was wrong.

Posted in Parenting, babies, doctor's appts., heart, stress at 7:34 am by heartjourney

I realized this morning that I miscalculated. I was thinking “three days” when I said I’d be in the hospital Sept. 1-3. Then I realized that 72 hours would actually require me to stay one more night. Looks like I’ll be in Sept. 1-4. Blech!

And just so everyone knows, I’m perfectly aware that I need to do this so I can be as healthy as possible to take care of my babies. I wouldn’t have gone ahead and set it up if I didn’t know this. But just because I know it doesn’t mean I can’t be mad/sad about it. I don’t like that my heart is getting in the way of my taking care of my babies. It has always been one of my fears that I’m not fit to take care of children and I was unfair for wanting to try. The fact that I’m having problems so soon after their birth scares me. I want to be here for a very long time so I can watch them grow up. I will do everything in my power to make sure I am. But again, that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it. :(

08.13.09

Blech! Heart stuff.

Posted in Parenting, babies, doctor's appts., heart, husband, meds, stress at 5:07 pm by heartjourney

Of course, my heart always picks the most inconvenient times to act up. :(

Those who have been following along know that right as I was getting ready to start fertility drugs to harvest my eggs for our surrogacy journey my atrial lead broke. I was still able to do the egg retrieval, but then I had to have my LV lead repositioned right about when we had our first ultrasound scheduled. Then it didn’t work (the LV lead) and I had to go in again right at Christmas to get the lead placed epicardially. With it finally working I thought I’d get back to feeling as good as I did before the first lead broke. No such luck. After trying and trying for months to figure out why I still feel like crap we finally have answers. Apparently I’m having a lot of atrial disturbances that are not picked up by my ICD. So my EP wants to start me on a new med.

Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. I have to be admitted into the hospital for 72 hours for observation while it’s being started. :( But I have 2 month old twins now. How am I supposed to be away from them for 72 hours?? I can’t stand the thought of being away for 4 hours, how am I going to do this?! My mom says to look on the bright side. I might catch up on sleep. But I doubt it. Even if the nurses leave me alone, I’m sure I’ll hear the babies in my sleep and wake up looking for them. :( I’m going crazy just thinking about it. :( And of course N will have to take care of the twins and won’t be able to be with me. He said he’ll only bring them up for short visits because he doesn’t want to disturb the other patients. I understand it, but I don’t like it. :(

I’m scheduled to go in Sept. 1-3. My cardiologist is presenting my case to a team of doctors on Monday. I’m hoping one of them gives a solution that doesn’t require hospital time. :(

07.30.09

Blessed quiet

Posted in House, Parenting, babies, family, sleep, stress at 1:40 pm by heartjourney

I hope I’m not jinxing it, but WOW! Mom had a swing sent to us and it arrived on Tuesday.

(Okay, so I did jinx it. As soon as I typed that Lucas woke up and Kyla soon followed. But after bottles, diaper changes, and some cuddling, both are back to sleep.)

Anyway, as I was saying… The swing has worked out well. Lucas will sit in it when he’s awake (but not every time) and stays asleep in it for much longer than in the bouncy seat. I put him in it when I needed to take my shower. He was awake, but not fussy. By the time I got out of the shower he was asleep and stayed that way while I comforted Kyla (she did not sleep through my shower), washed bottles, folded laundry/started a new load, and even through me eating lunch! I was amazed! I think the only reason he woke up is because he was hungry. He didn’t want to go back in the swing after eating, but that’s okay. He’s sleeping on my chest at the moment. (Boy am I getting good at the one-handed typing!)

I wish I could say Kyla’s been as easy today. Starting yesterday she became my fussy one. As a matter of fact, here she goes again! BRB!

Okay, Lucas is back in the swing and Kyla is on me… No rest for Mommy!

Anyway, as I was saying, Kyla has been very needy the last couple of days. I just can’t figure out what is wrong. And if you don’t take care of it (whatever “it” is) right away she goes into her screaming-bloody-murder phase. Some time I’m going to have to get a video of that to torture her with when she’s a teenager. ;)

In the mean time, I did take quick pics of the calm before I started to type the first time:

Lucas in his swing

Lucas in his swing


Calm Kyla (don't let her fool you!)

Calm Kyla (don't let her fool you!)

06.29.09

Thoughts on caring for infant twins…

Posted in Parenting, babies, stress at 11:42 am by heartjourney

Random thoughts (in no particular order) after three weeks of parenting.

  • There are times when it is way easier than I thought it would be… You know, when they’re sleeping. ;)
  • There are times when it’s every bit as hard as people try to warn… Like when they both just want to be held at the same time and there’s only one of you. :(
  • Things that are cute at 3 in the afternoon aren’t nearly as cute at 3 in the morning.
  • Twins go through a LOT of diapers! Thank goodness we got so many to start with!
  • Twins also go through a LOT of formula. Time to go to Costco!
  • It is inevitable that if one twin is asleep and the other is eating/getting attention/whatever, then the sleeping twin will wake and want the same.
  • There is no comfortable position for feeding two infants at once. (at least, I have yet to find one. The quest continues.)
  • Living in only one room of the house for a week makes a twin mommy very insane! (okay, this one is unique to me. Most others will never have to endure such torture.)
  • Having one sided conversations all day long can become a bit tedious.
  • At 3 in the morning, you can forget remembering who is who. Yes, even with boy/girl twins!
  • Even when you think things are going great, there isa breaking point.
  • Just when you get pretty good at anticipating their needs, they change.
  • A Yaris is really not big enough for a family of four if two of them are infants.
  • People seem to think it’s really funny to say they want to keep one or the other twin (after all, you’ve got two!). It’s not funny. It’s annoying.
  • If people are wanting to come visit the twins, they have to speak up. The parents are not going to call you. They just don’t have that many brain cells left.
  • While people may think it’s cool to carry both twins at once, all it does is send their mom into hyper-worry drive. Don’t do it. You can take turns.
  • Jokes and teasing (particularly about the twins) are a lot less funny to the sleep-deprived parents than to the one joking/teasing.
  • It’s amazing what one can do one-handed with another child screaming in the background.
  • Using the restroom is a luxury a twin mommy (or any mommy?) can no longer afford.
  • Watching a 60# dog leap over your kids (no matter how many times he misses) is downright scary!
  • Sitting in the pink boppy or being wrapped in a pink blanket will not scar a boy for life! :/
  • Emails, journal entries, message board posts… They all take 10x longer to write as a parent than they ever did before.
  • Just when you think you can lay your head down, one of the babies will squeak.
  • Babies do not pose. I don’t know how Ann Geddes does it!
  • Just as you get one baby settled and think you might have a minute to go wash those bottles that have piled up throughout the day, the other will wake up wailing.
  • Singing does the trick some of the time. Just enough to make you try it every time.
  • This list will never end. So I’m ending it now.

06.22.09

Home is where the heat is…

Posted in babies, family, stress, waiting at 6:01 pm by heartjourney

Well, we’re back home. But we’re regulated to just the bedroom. The warrantee people won’t be here to look into the A/C problem until tomorrow, but N and I just couldn’t take not sleeping in our own bed any longer (his back is killing him). So we had the brilliant idea to rent a window unit for the bedroom. We also rented one for the living room, but it’s such a large area that it really doesn’t work all that well.

At least we’ll be able to sleep in our own bed tonight. The babies are going naked for awhile, but they don’t seem to mind. We may have to leave during the heat of the day, but at least the evenings are bearable.

Ah, the adventures of home ownership…

06.20.09

Beat the heat

Posted in heart, husband, stress tagged at 12:46 pm by heartjourney

Ugh! For anyone who lives in Texas, you know it’s getting hot, hot, hot. Air conditioned homes and buildings are the only relief. Being a heart patient, heat can be quite taxing on me (often causing swollen fingers and ankles). However, most of the time a cool drink and time indoors will suffice…

Until the A/C breaks. Then it’s just sitting in your brand new faux leather recliners (which arrived THAT DAY) and melting into oblivion. Add in two 11 day old infants and you’ve got some major problems going on. Oh, then there’s the fact that it’s Friday afternoon and anyone who is willing to come out to look at the problem is going to charge you “overtime” fees on top of the usual rate.

In case your wondering, yes, this is exactly the state of being at our house yesterday. The A/C guy we did get to come out took one look and said it was going to require a whole new unit and coil (or something like that) and the soonest it could get done was maybe Monday. So the babies and I packed up (along with the smaller of our two dogs) and headed to my MIL’s house. Later N and Big Dog joined us. We don’t know how long we’ll be away from home, but pray it won’t be too long. No offense to MIL, but I want my own bed and to be able to actually enjoy my new recliner that I’ve been waiting for since Mother’s Day.

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