10.14.08
The deed is done!
This morning I think we were all a bit anxious and excited. LD even woke up before nine! 
We all got decked out in our green shirts (N and I wore our green Oklahoma shirts to humor LD and she wore the green “Let’s go get knocked up” shirt that I bought for her). I also had a pair of green and a pair of yellow socks, so LD and I wore one of each just to be silly (I’ll post pictures later). LD also had a glass of pineapple juice for luck (they say it helps the embryos to stick?). LD gave me a beautiful bracelet that has the words “believe,” “dream,” “trust,” “hope,” “love,” “laugh,” and “live” written on it and dangly hearts between each word. It couldn’t have been any more perfect! We’ve had a lot of ALL of those things in this journey so far and I know they will continue.
We left the house around 10:05 so we could stop by Krispy Kream for some breakfast before going down to visit a friend of ours who had a planned c-section (for TRIPLETS) set up for the same time as our transfer, at the same hospital. We were able to pop in and visit for a little while as the nurses were getting things ready for what was to come. LD rubbed her belly for luck (I told her not to rub TOO hard, as we don’t want to end up with triplets too) and we visited a little with her IPs and the babies’ grandparents. I could see that the IPs were very nervous and excited. I can only hope we will be in their shoes in 8 or so months!
When we left we still had an hour before we needed to be at the ARTS department, so we decided to go get some McDonald’s fries. We still got to the waiting room about a half hour early, but we really didn’t have to wait all that long (or at least, the time seemed to go by pretty quickly). We were all very excited, but I think I might have been the most giddy. LD and N were laughing at me and N said he couldn’t remember ever seeing me beam quite so much (oh, just you wait! ). They each had to get a picture of me bouncing in my seat.
The embryologist came in with a picture of two of our little embryos. She told us that they were “above average” and showed us the part that will become the placenta. LD said she’s never seen that in any of her previous transfers (the placenta part, not the picture). The embryologist said we had the option of transferring both of the embryos or just one of them. She said that we had a “good” chance of having twins if we put both in. I was scared to make a decision. I have said for a long time that I only want one at a time, but with the way things have been going lately the idea of twins has slowly started to grow on me. N too, apparently. In the end, we decided to transfer two because we would be happy with two, but devastated with none, so we wanted to increase our chances and put back both of them. Besides, they were just so darn cute.
Dr. C showed up and we asked if both N and I could go back with them. He had no problems with that, so we suited up and were taken right back to the procedure room. We sat above LD’s head as Dr. C did the deed. We watched the monitor, but honestly I have no idea what I was looking at. I THINK I saw some bubbles traveling on the monitor, but I couldn’t tell you where they were going! The whole thing was over so fast!
LD moved over to the gurney and was taken back to our little room to wait the 30 minutes before she could get up. Her poor bladder was about to explode! We asked what time she would be allowed to get up and were told 1:35. So, needless to say, as SOON as the clock ticked over to 1:35 she told N to go find out if she could get up. I think she would have jumped over the bed rail if the nurse hadn’t come in and made her wait until she lowered the bed! As soon as LD came back from the restroom we were able to gather our things and leave. N decided we should keep the “space suits” for Halloween costumes, so we brought them home as well.
LD is now taking a nap in “her” room. While I’ve been yawning like crazy, I think my mind is still spinning a little too much to actually sleep right now. It feels so surreal. I can’t believe we made it to transfer! Waiting for the beta is going to be VERY nerve wracking!
10.09.08
Egg retrieval
I’m laying here on the couch with a heating pad on my midsection in mucho pain. I still have another hour before I can take some more tylenol. 
At any rate, here’s a summary of this morning:
We arrived at the ARTS department at 8:00 and waited in the waiting room for awhile. I think we were taken back pretty close to 8:15, but I didn’t look at the time. I changed and the nurse came in to ask the laundry list of questions they always ask. That took a long time, since I have such an extensive medical history. At 9:10 the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me and hooked up my IV. The nurse said Dr. C would be coming downstairs so we could get started shortly… So we waited…. and waited… and waited. At 9:35 the nurse came in again and said that Dr. C had gotten delayed and would be down in a few minutes. Once again we waited… and waited… and waited (it’s important to note that at this point, I was getting VERY annoyed and apprehensive). FINALLY at 10:00 Dr. C showed up and we immediately went to the OR and I was put into the stirrups. The anesthesiologist must have given me something in the IV because the next thing I know, I’m waking up in the room with N (He didn’t get to come into the OR with me, as much as he wanted to).
I was told they will be calling later with an updated count, but for now we know there are 20 eggs. We had told the nurse we only wanted to ICSI 10 of the eggs (after 10 the price goes up), but Dr. C called me and said he didn’t think that was a good idea, so I gave in and said to go ahead and ICSI all of them. Hopefully it’s worth it! I can’t wait to find out tomorrow how many fertilize!
At first I was only slightly uncomfortable, but not in much pain. It has only been the last hour or so that I’ve started to feel actual pain. Hopefully that will subside soon.
Thanks for the prayers everyone!
10.06.08
Getting close!
The nurse who is filling in for Ronda (Ruth) called a couple of minutes ago. My estrogen is at 4543, and her comment was “You’re probably feeling a bit bloated.” Uh, yeah! But she said I’m “not quite ready” but hopefully will be tomorrow and I’m to continue with the same meds I was doing before. They measured 14 follicles ranging in size from 13.5 to 17. She told me all of the measurements, but she was talking too fast for me to get them all written down. I do know that 2 of them were 17, so that’s good. Don’t ask me what they need to measure in order to be ready for the trigger shot, ’cause I don’t know, but I’m thinking it all looks good. She said I’ll probably be ready to trigger tomorrow.
LD also had her lining check today. She looks great! Her lining is 15.7 with a trilinear pattern (she says they wanted it to be at least 13 with the trilinear pattern). 
We’re right on track. I can’t believe we’re getting so close!!!
09.25.08
Still clueless
I still know nothing about the ICD surgery. But I’m feeling a little better. I talked to Ronda a little while ago and she said everything is good to go for starting the stim meds on Sunday. I don’t go in again until Tuesday for blood work. I got to thinking about the fact that Dr. D’s scheduler said he is aiming for next week on the surgery. All I have to go in for next week is blood work, no sonograms. So I asked Ronda if I wind up having surgery next week, would it be possible for N to draw my blood and deliver it to them. She said that would work. So at least I know we have a contingency plan if need be. Now if I could just hear from Dr. D…
09.24.08
All together now!
I know it’s gross, but I’d appreciate it if everyone would say one prayer right now, as you read this… Please pray my period gets here today. If it doesn’t, I’m not sure what we will be able to do about this cycle.
I talked to Ronda this morning and told her I would be having surgery again on Thursday and would not be able to get in for my sonogram on Friday morning. I asked if it was possible to do it Friday afternoon and she said it was not because they wouldn’t have a sonographer there. She asked about Thursday morning. I said “I will be having surgery on Thursday, but he did say it would be afternoon, so I can probably make it first thing in the morning.” So that’s what we have set up. I’m to call her if anything changes.
She asked me if I’d started my period yet and I told her I had not but hoped it would come today. She said I can’t do the sono until I get my period, so against everything I’ve ever prayed before, I’m praying for it to come today. She asked me when my last BCP was and I told her it was on Sunday. She said “Yeah, you should get it today, then.” I hope she’s right. She asked me if I felt like it was coming and I told her I was so bloated from everything else I couldn’t tell. I’m going to be anxious about this all day, I’m sure.
07.20.08
Moving right along
Wow. Once we get started it’s like every time we turn around another step is being taken! 
Friday was the day N and I flew home from our Florida trip. It was also the day AF decided to make her appearance. This was a surprise to me, as I had not expected her until Monday. But I’m not complaining. Unfortunately, this meant trying to get ahold of Dr. C’s office on a Friday while traveling (which meant having my phone off for much of the day). The two times I got through to a person (the phone was busy for some odd reason several times that I tried) I got the answering service! I don’t know where to office people were. Anyway, I left messages to call LD, since she’d be more likely to be able to answer the phone. Well, Dr. C called her, but NOT because of my phone call! He was calling her to tell her the results from her blood work (there was something that showed up that we’re 99% sure is a lab error, but he wants it to be checked again Monday, just in case). LD told Dr. C that I’d been trying to get ahold of him and so he called me as I was buckling my seat belt on the plane! I spoke with him briefly– he told me to start taking BCP on Sunday and call his nurse on Monday– and was about to turn off my phone when LD called. 
She was freaking out a little about the blood work but I told her not to worry as we were all certain it was just a fluke. I then spent the next 7 hours on various airplanes and in airports. It was an exhausting day, to say the least.
When I got home I had over 250 emails to fish through. One of which was from LD telling me the contracts are done! Woo hoo! She will bring them with her in August and we’ll get them signed. Only 12 days to go!
However, I also bought a few paintings while I was in Florida and since LD’s DH works in framing and can get us a discount, I may be going up to see them some time this week. Any excuse, right?
So tomorrow LD will get her repeat blood work done (I feel awful that she has to go through that AGAIN!) and I will call Dr. C’s nurse to find out when LD will start on BCP and what all I need to do (if anything). Some days I feel like transfer is forever away, then other days I feel like we’re speeding through this process! Each step is a little bit closer!
07.10.08
Another step taken
I didn’t have a chance to update after LD’s appointment because I’ve been BUSY, BUSY, BUSY! But now that I have a moment, that’s exactly what I’ll do.
On Monday morning we headed out to meet up with two new TOSS members for lunch. We had a lovely time getting to know them and comparing stories. It was a lot of fun, but soon it was time to head to the RE’s office.
Our appointment was for one o’clock, which of course meant we didn’t actually get called back until 1:45. Once there the nurse asked LD some questions, then took us to a room where LD stripped down, dressed in a paper gown and sat to wait on the table (there was a curtain for her to change behind, don’t worry!). I sat in a chair near her head and we talked while we waited for Dr. C to come in. I think we waited at least 15 minutes. He came in and did his exam, reminding LD to relax over and over again. I’d like to see HIM relax when someone’s shoving a huge tube up his hoo-ha! He even told her corny jokes in an effort to get her to relax. It didn’t work… I held her hand for much of the exam, then Dr. C declared her uterus was “beautiful” and that we’re all set to get started whenever we want! It wasn’t until after we left that I realized he didn’t even mention doing a mock cycle. Part of me wonders if I should call and ask about that, or not say anything for fear of reminding them.
LD asked when we should be starting meds and such for an early Oct. transfer and he said to call him in late August. But as he was dictating his notes (he was standing next to us) he changed his mind and told me to call when I get AF. The nurse confirmed that this was so we could start to sync our cycles with birth control pills. Well, seeing as I should be getting my next AF in a week and a half, it looks like it won’t be long before our next step!
LD then had to get her blood drawn for the FDA screening stuff. And I thought I was bad about needles! She scared me to death. The nurse had to stick her three different times, and finally had her lying down on a table so if she passed out she wouldn’t have anywhere to fall! I felt SO bad that she was going through so much just for me. But she tells me this is the way she always reacts, but she wanted to do it anyway. She is such a blessing. I <3 her!!
After the appointment, LD and I went to visit another TOSS member, who has three infants! We got to hold the babies and give M a chance to take a shower. It was so hard to say goodbye, but we had a long drive ahead of us and needed to get to LD’s house in time for dinner.
The drive to LD’s house went fairly quickly, considering, and I finally got to meet LD’s kids! They were a little shy at first, but we’d already asked them if they wanted to stay at the hotel with me over night and they were very excited to do so. We went to dinner, then checked into the hotel. LD, her hubby, and step-son (he didn’t want to stay) left and the four of us (K, S, T, and me) played games, jumped on the bed (actually, they did, I didn’t), and had a general good time. Around midnight I could see that K was getting REALLY tired, so I declared that it was time to turn off the lights. T wasn’t too happy about that, but I told him he could play K’s gameboy while we went to sleep. He CLAIMS he stayed up all night, but before I fell asleep (which couldn’t have been THAT long), I noticed that the gameboy was turned off.
The next morning we all woke up and went to the lobby to have breakfast, then went back to the room and played more games, jumped on beds, and had a pillow fight. At 11:00 LD arrived with her mother to take us all to lunch (we were meeting her best friend, J). By now K was begging for LD to give T his medicine, but to be perfectly honest he wasn’t that bad. Of course, I don’t have to deal with him every day, nor is he my little brother, so I can understand why K was annoyed. Lunch was great and I really enjoyed talking with J. I think the two of us did the majority of the talking! lol Soon it was time to take me back to my car so I could head back to Texas.
The kids kept begging me to stay another night, and LD was HELPING! I was very tempted to stay, but figured I should get back. I had plans the next day and knew it would be just as hard to leave then. So I headed on home, but called my MIL to see if she wanted to meet at the casino on my way home. She did, and we had a good time losing a lot of money. When I told N how much I lost his eyes bulged out. But I told him it could have been worse! I actually won back more than half of what I lost!
As I was getting close to home I got a call from my sister, who says that she has arranged it for me to take care of W the first week of August while she’s at a conference. So now LD and I are going to go down to Houston August 1st so she can meet my family and we can bring W back together. I’m SO excited!
05.28.08
HUGE update!
I went to visit my nephew, sister, and mom this past weekend. And wouldn’t you know it, AF came with me! Fortunately, I did bring enough “equipment” with me to last the three day weekend, even though things were much heavier than I’m used to. This is the first unmedicated AF I’ve had in 12 years! Either I forgot how bad it is, or age has made things worse! I was miserable. Bloated, gassy, crampy, and all around blah! I’m sad to say that my hormones wound up causing so much havoc in me that I left my sister’s house early and just know I hurt her feelings (though it certainly wasn’t my intention!).
Anyway, since I needed to have testing done on day 3 of my cycle, I was a bit worried. Monday was Memorial Day, which I was pretty sure meant their office would be closed. I called, hoping someone (anyone!) would call me back and let me know what I should do. I did not want to miss the window of opportunity and have to wait another month to get this testing done. No one called me back at all on Saturday. So I called again Sunday morning. I was told that no one called because it wasn’t an “emergency.” I told the operator that it might not be an emergency, but I needed to know what to do before their office would be open again. She suggested that we put it through as an “emergency” this time. So we did. I FINALLY got a call from a nurse at 2:30 (I was going to call again at 3 if I still hadn’t heard anything). I was told to come in for the tests on Tuesday (apparently the tests can be anywhere from day 3-5).
N rearranged his work schedule so he could come with me. He wanted to be there for me if the news was bad. He’s so sweet. He also started asking, “Do you think I should go ahead and have my testing done today?” I told him to wait until we knew more.
Anyway, I had the blood drawn and a sonogram done. The sonographer pointed out ovaries and the follicles on each. I’m fairly certain Dr. C didn’t see any follicles the last time, which is why he was worried. So I’m comforted by the fact that there were some this time. Also, there were no cysts, so I am now taking the “clomid challenge.” I was given a prescription for clomid that I started taking today (cycle day 5) and will take for a total of 5 days. On Monday I’ll return to the office and have the blood draw and sonogram done again. At that time we’ll have a better idea of my ovarian reserve…
Later in the day I got a call with my blood results. It looked good. My FSH was 8.5 and the estradiol was 44. I looked it up and anything below 10 for the FSH is good, and anything below 80 is good for the estradiol. So that looks promising as well.
I took my first dose of clomid this afternoon after I got home from work. I didn’t want to take it this morning for fear that I might get some of the side effects and didn’t want to experience them for the first time while at work. From what I understand it can cause major mood swings, hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, etc. Nothing that sounds fun. But maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones that doesn’t get any of them! One can hope. So far I think I might feel a twinge of dizziness, but nothing too bad.
Now that all the technical aspects of the last few days is out of the way, I thought I’d also reflect on some of the emotional… To begin with, when I was at my sister’s on Sunday night she had several friends over for a BBQ. At one point the topic of women who have a lot of kids came up, and then Mom mentioned “Jon and Kate plus 8″ (A reality show about a woman who had twins, and then sextuplets via IVF). One of my sister’s friends said “That’s a case where they should have listened to God…” It hurt. But I knew she didn’t have any idea about my situation and couldn’t possibly understand. So I simply got up and left the room. However, one of my sister’s other friends asked “Is your sister okay?” and pointed out the comment to everyone. So when I came back into the room, the friend that made the comment came and asked me if she’d offended me. I said, “Yes, a little.” She immediately started apologizing and telling me I’d misinterpreted what she’d said and that she just couldn’t personally imagine having that many kids or taking the risk of having that many at one time. I told her it wasn’t a big deal and not to worry about it, but she wouldn’t let it go. She kept trying to explain herself and I said “Look, I don’t expect people who’ve never had to deal with this kind of thing to understand or curb what they say.” She got huffy and said “You don’t know what I’ve had to deal with.” I said, “No, I don’t. But you don’t know what I’m going through either.” She continued to tell me of all the people she knows and cares about that have gone through infertility and how she thinks IVF is a good thing. Finally we let it drop. I know she didn’t intend to hurt me and I certainly don’t hold a grudge. But it hurt nonetheless and I have cried more than once over the conversation.
I actually ended up leaving my sister’s and staying at my mom’s house that night. I just didn’t feel like staying up late with her friends. I wanted to curl up and go to sleep, then head home as early as possible in the morning. I wanted to be home and would have left that night if I thought my mom wouldn’t have worried too much. I called N on the way to Mom’s house and cried to him almost all the way there. He was wonderfully supportive and managed to make me laugh through my tears. That is one of the many reasons I love him.
I’ve started feeling better, and I believe it has to do with coming towards the end of AF (though it may not last now that I’m on the clomid). I’ve actually been feeling God’s presence a lot over the last couple of weeks. LD and I decided to start a Bible study book together and even though we haven’t really done any of it “together” I’ve read several chapters and know God is trying to get a message to me. He’s also shown Himself through coworkers and music. I know this is the path God has planned for us. I’m so excited to see where it takes us.
It’s time to go feed the dogs. I’ll probably revisit this subject again with more detail.
08.15.07
The waiting is over
I wrote this yesterday, but didn’t get around to posting it. Spent time with my hubby instead.
“I’m back from our RE visit. I’ll just skip to the part you all want to know and you can read on if you want more details: he sees no problems at all with using my eggs! He didn’t seem intimidated by my heart or cyst issues in the least. Of course, he wants to talk to my cardiologist (duh!) and he’ll monitor me closely when we cycle, but he didn’t see any reason why I couldn’t handle it.
Just so we can get a base line to work with, we are going to go ahead and do my day 3 FSH levels and an ultrasound, and hubby is going to get a semen analysis done. We know we’ll have to repeat the tests closer to when we’re actually going to cycle, but at least this way we know if there are any other issues we have to deal with. I actually should start my period next week, so most likely I’ll have my blood work next Friday or the following Monday. I don’t really anticipate much of a problem, but you never know. Something I’m confused about, though, is that he isn’t having me get off of my BCP to do the blood work. If I have to wait until Monday I think he did want me to wait to start up the next packet, but if it’s Friday I don’t think I’ll have to miss any at all. Generally I start my period on Tuesday or Wednesday, so I anticipate doing the test Friday. (okay, that was way too long talking about my period… Sorry about that. ).
Before we went to the appointment my husband and I ended up having a longish talk (with me crying through most of it). I had told him last night that my stomach was all in knots because of the appointment and today he asked me “Are you just worried that they’ll say you can’t use your eggs?” To which I responded, “I don’t know. I’m worried about so many things. I don’t know what I want any more. On the one hand, if they tell us no I’ll be crushed, but if they tell us yes that means we’ll be starting on a long, difficult process that freaks me out.” He said “Well, it’s not like we’re starting tomorrow.” I said “Well, no, but we can’t wait too long. We have to start looking for a surrogate…” “Wait. I’m not ready to start looking for a surrogate yet.” I tried to explain to him that it’s a long process and the more time we have to get to know our carrier the more comfortable we’ll be, yada, yada, yada. Well he said, “I thought we weren’t even doing this for two or three years.” What?! I flew off the handle. I said, “I thought we were going to do it next year! I was going off of what you said when I asked you when you saw us actually starting to try.” Anyway, I was crying, he was saying “Well I don’t know how all this works. You’re the one who has done all the research, not me.” I told him I’ve wanted to talk to him about it, but every time I do he rolls his eyes at me, so I try not to bring it up because I don’t want him to think I’m obsessing (even though I am).
Needless to say, I was an emotional mess. Finally he did say some things to make me feel better. He said he didn’t care HOW we got a baby. It didn’t matter to him, just as long as we got to be parents. So he said it’s up to me, we can do the surrogacy if that’s possible (remember, we hadn’t gone to the doctor yet), or we could adopt. And if we ended up with no kids, that would be okay too. Yes, he wants to be a father, but he said as long as he has me and I’m happy, he’s happy too.
Oh, and did I mention that this whole conversation took place over the phone? He had gone in to work for a staff meeting and was on his way back home, just in time to meet me at the doctor’s office. When he met me in the hallway, he hugged me and said “It will be okay, no matter what happens.” I almost started crying again, but managed to hold it together.
Sitting in the waiting room was torture. We were the only ones there, so at least no one else had to see me fidgeting. Hubby was really sweet and held my hand squeezing it once in awhile to reassure me. We finally went back and talked with the Nurse (Linda) and she got some info from me and added details to the forms I’d already filled out. Then we met with Dr. Goldstein. He talked us through the whole process and answered any questions we had. Hubby said he felt like we were being rushed at the end because he kept saying “Questions?” after each of the answers he gave. But I think that’s just the way he is. After all, he answered every question we asked and didn’t indicate that he thought they were stupid questions (even if he did). I asked questions about the what requirements he has for the GS, since I’ve heard that many REs have BMI restrictions and whatnot. He said the most important thing in a carrier is that she is trustworthy and reliable. The rest was up to us.
For now I think we’re just going to get this base line testing done, then wait a bit before putting out feelers for a GS. Hubby wants to be settled into our new house (assuming that ever happens!) before we start looking. He actually asked “Would January be too late to start looking?” I honestly don’t know. If I’m hoping to transfer in about a year, will January would be pushing it for finding our GS? When do we put up an ad? I just don’t know.”
My stomach is feeling much better now. It’s such a relief to know what path we will be taking. I know there are still uncertainties, but at least we’re headed in a direction now.
08.03.07
Records, records, and more records
Today I went down to Medical City and took release forms to all of my various docs to have them send my medical records to FSoD. It’s rediculous how many docs I have. I actually was only able to get the release form to the hospital (for my cyst rupture records) and my cardiologist. My PCP’s office was closed, which I was thought was strange. I called them on my cell to see if maybe they just took a late lunch or something, but the message said they were closed for a funeral. That’s so sad… I’ll try calling on Monday, and since I’ll be down there for another appointment anyway, I will probably have a chance to take it by then. I haven’t decided yet if I need to get records from my old GYN. I can find out from the doc if he needs it in addition to the other records I’m getting from my PCP.
I also got to talk with my cardiologist for a little while. I just love her. She is very supportive of my desire to go through with a surrogacy journey, even though she got the impression from the cardiologist at the Mayo that she often consults with on my case that she didn’t like the idea (though never gave a MEDICAL reason not to). When she saw that I was putting in a request for records and that it was for a Fertility Clinic her eyes lit up and she said “Oh, you’re going to do it?!” I explained that it was just a consultation to find out if it’s possible. You know how you can tell just by the look in someone’s eyes what they are really thinking? I could tell she was happy to hear I hadn’t been discouraged by the Mayo doc’s opinion. She even said she’s talked to a local cardiologist who has worked with many women who are pregnant or gone through fertility treatment with heart problems (obviously my situation is a bit different, but that’s probably the closest I’ll get) and she has said she’d be willing to help monitor me when the time comes.
Eleven days left until the RE appointment. Of course, I’ve got a ton of other things going on between now and then. MUGA scan Monday, Eye Doctor Thursday, Workshop Friday, Electrophysiologist the next Monday, THEN the RE that Tuesday, and another workshop that Thursday. Nothing like packing in the appointments at the last minute (I start back to work as a school librarian on August 20th).
