06.05.09
FYI
Just thought I’d let you know what is going on (or not going on) as far as the babies go.
They cooperated and let me finish the school year without a problem. When LD went for her appointment on Monday she was not even remotely dilated. The OB had her stop taking the meds to relax her uterus and said that if she didn’t have the babies by 37 weeks (June 11) he would want to induce labor.
Well, since being off the meds she has been having more and more contractions, which are becoming painful. Last night they were coming about 5-8 minutes apart and we thought there was a good possibility they would decide to come on their cousin’s birthday. However, by morning the contractions had died down and all that was left was a back ache.
To put her mind (and mine) at ease, I am going to go up there to stay until the babies arrive. N will be staying here until he gets “the call” simply because he needs to work and we’d rather not board the dogs until we have to. I’d hoped to have a couple of days after school let out to clean the house a bit, but it looks like the babies would prefer to start out in the filth, rather than build up to it. 
N fully expects to get a call tonight saying “get up here” but says that if he were to come with me there would not be any sign of them coming any time soon. We shall see. We’re still working on how we’ll get two cars home after they arrive, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it (if anyone has an idea, we’re all ears ). Hopefully I’ll be able to hook into LD’s internet and stay connected to you all this way. If not, I’ll have my cell.
It is a bit odd thinking about the fact that this will be the last time I will see my dogs, my house, my life without our children in tow. Goodbye old life, hello parenthood!
05.18.09
Expectations
I’m having a difficult time having realistic expectations of people. It seems I keep expecting people to have the same emotions, or react the same way as I would. Logically, I know this is unrealistic. I am the only me, and others are not going to think the same way. However, that doesn’t stop me from being disappointed when my friends or family do not react the way I expect/hope they will.
First, there’s my mom. I had expected her to want to see her grandchildren as soon as possible. After all, when my nephew was born, I wanted to be there at the hospital to see him as soon as I possibly could. However, apparently she’s content to wait, and I even get the impression she’s not in any hurry to come see them. Her exact words were “Babies just don’t do it for me. I prefer them when they’re a bit older and can interact more.” I know she didn’t intend to hurt my feelings, but she did. And it’s my own fault for expecting her to feel the way I did when W was born.
Then there’s N. I hope he doesn’t mind me sharing this. We’ve talked about it, and I know that he loves our children and is just as excited as I am to meet them. But I unrealistically expected him to want to be totally involved in the pregnancy as well. Because that’s what I want. It’s not that he’s uninterested in the pregnancy, he just is more interested in once the babies are here, and doesn’t really think about the pregnancy except to the extent that things are going well. This weekend I went and stayed with LD and got to feel the babies move. We’d felt it a little the last time we came up, but this was completely different. Before it was like little flutters. But now you can actually feel limbs and imagine what each baby is doing! The whole time I kept thinking “N needs to feel this!” Yet, when I described it to him he said “I’ll feel it next Wednesday” (we’re going up for an u/s). I said “If the babies aren’t born before then!” And he said “Then I’ll get to hold them.” He didn’t get it. And there’s no reason why he should. But it disappointed me anyway.
I’m feeling quite nostalgic as our journey is coming close to the next chapter. I feel like I missed a lot that I had hoped/expected to experience. I haven’t spent nearly as much time with LD as I’d meant to. I haven’t been to all the appointments, as I’d planned. And I feel a little bit of a sadness that the experience I’ve had isn’t quite what I’d hoped for when we started. Not that it’s been a bad experience! Nor is it anyone’s fault that there’s a difference between hopes and reality. I think that the fault really is with me. I needed more flexibility in my vision of what the “prefect” journey would be.
As I’m writing this I realize that LD or N might interpret this post as somehow a lack of something in them. And that is SO completely not true! They have been wonderful. LD shares everything with me and wants me to see this pregnancy as mine. I couldn’t ask for a better friend and GS. And N has been super supportive and has put up with my roller coaster of emotions throughout this experience. No, I can’t blame anyone but myself. I think I misjudged what was realistic. I’ve never been pregnant, and I think I romanticized what the pregnancy would be like. And now that we’re in the thick of it, I’m realizing that it may not be possible for the end (or new beginning?) to be the way I hope.
I want SO much to be there for the birth. But I’m very afraid I won’t be. When I expressed my fears to N this evening he told me I could move up to OK and wait for them to arrive if that’s what I need. But I know that’s not realistic. I do have a job to finish (though if the babies come, that’s just too bad). And I’d hate for LD to feel like a watched pot. And of course, chances are, if I were to go up now, they would wait until after the last day of school anyway. All I can do for now is pray that we’ll have enough warning that we can make it to the hospital before the babies are delivered. As much as I want them to wait until after school is done, I’m kind of hoping we go up next week for the u/s and they say it’s time to go into the hospital and deliver some babies. Just so we can stop the waiting.
LD seems to think that will be the day anyway. She’s had a dream that her water will break that night/morning, D thinks it will be that day, and apparently a friend of hers that is “slightly psychic” sees a 2 or a 7 in our future (how about both!). But even though it seems like a perfect arrangement, I don’t want them born that early. That would be one day shy of 35 weeks. That’s not long enough.
I know I’m over thinking things. I need to just let them come when and how they are going to. I can’t control this and I shouldn’t agonize over it, but that’s easier said than done. 
05.09.09
So this is what nesting feels like…
LD continues to have contractions that come and go. We know this is fairly normal with a twin pregnancy, but it doesn’t stop us from worrying just a little that our wee ones are planning an early arrival.
So the panic has set in to get everything ready. Today I spent the whole day doing baby laundry (5 loads) and reorganizing things in the nursery so they are more compatible with our needs (when I got it all back into the room for the party it was pretty much a free-for-all, putting things wherever they fit).
I also started packing the diaper bag. Only, I don’t know what size clothes or diapers to put in there. I’m thinking I’ll just stick a pack of premie diapers and a pack of newborn diapers into the trunk of the car, and whichever we need is the one we’ll open when the time comes. After all, the hospital will provide some for while we’re there. As for clothes, I have some onsies that say “0-3 months,” yet appear to be the same size as the premie ones I’ve got (but I assume they stretch). So I’m thinking I’ll take those and if they’re a bit big, so what. Plus, they’ll have clothes from the hospital too.
I hope to have both the babies’ bag and our bag packed by the end of the weekend. LD says she got hers packed today. My prayer is that by being ready, Kyla and Lucas will decide to settle in for a bit longer. Actually, N and I think they’ll probably come either in the middle of Video Race, or the next morning, after we’ve been up for nearly 48 hours straight. It would be just our luck.
Anyway, we do appreciate all the prayers that the twins stay put awhile longer. And we know that you will continue them. Hopefully God’s plans and ours will coincide just a little this time.
04.26.09
Party
Last night was our Burgeoning Babies BBQ Blowout. We had invited a TON of people, but it turned out that this weekend (while the only one on which WE were available) was apparently a busy weekend for everyone else. We had about 25-30 people say they were going to try to make it, so of course we made enough food to feed twice that. N grilled beef and chicken for fajitas, as well as cooking up some of his “Mexican Hotdogs” (brats cooked in beer and salsa) and queso in the slow cooker, I whipped up some guacamole and sour cream/tomato/bacon dip, and we bought some rice and beans from a local Mexican restaurant. The spread was quite impressive. I think we’ll be able to survive on the leftovers for at least a month! I’ve put the majority into the freezer so we can have some quick meal options when the babies arrive and suck all time for things like cooking from the universe.
We ended up with about 18 adults, 6 “kids” (varying in age from 7-16), 1 toddler, and 4 babies. Man I loved it! 
The toddler has met me once before, but she surprised me when she came over to me and held her hands up for me to hold her. I enjoyed carrying her around a bit as well as watching N’s interactions with her (helping her to “play” the drums on Rock Band was too cute!). Then the triplets came! Oh my goodness they are adorable! They are almost 11 months old and so much fun to watch. N got them giggling up a storm, of course (he’s so good at that), which is the absolute best sound in the world. And watching their mom feed them all at once was quite the learning experience! I know I will be calling on her for advice when the going gets tough. I think playing with the various children was the highlight of the evening for me.
We also got to show off the nursery, even though it’s not quite done. Everyone seemed to like it. I know N and I are proud of how it’s turning out. I just hope we don’t stop working on it simply because the party is over and the pressure is off. I’d still like it to be done before the kids are in college. However, for today, we’ve both agreed that we need a day of rest. We’re exhausted!
04.21.09
The nursery
Apparently these things don’t do themselves… You can’t just come up with a cute theme for the babies’ room and then have it magically happen overnight. Nope. You have to actually put some work into it… Who knew!
So Friday N got started on the room. He taped the edges of the room and started the first coat of paint by the time I got home from work. I helped a little with the painting and then we called it a night. Saturday my MIL came over and we got a lot of painting done. We did a little more on Sunday and now the only thing left (as far as paint goes) is some touch ups. Yesterday N started getting sick, so he didn’t get as much done as he would have liked. He did put together the crib, though. It is now sitting in our dining room. I rough-cut the fabric for the curtains and threw them in the washer. Today I need to get that fabric ironed and pinned so I can sew them. Shouldn’t take long, once I get motivated enough to get started.
It would be great if we get the room done by Saturday, but I’m nervous it won’t happen. I just want the room done enough to get all of the boxes and bags out of my living room and breakfast nook (not to mention the crib out of the dining room). Plus, we need to have time to do some actual cleaning! I don’t want my friends and coworkers to realize what slobs we really are (of course, my coworkers probably have a clue if they’ve ever looked in my office. )!
04.12.09
Countdown
Yes, we still have a couple of months left before we meet our babies. But the countdown is on, and it feels like we may not get everything done before they arrive.
Things left to do:
- Paint the nursery (we bought paint this weekend, and finally got the couch moved, but still need to clean a bit more before painting).
- Make curtains, blankets, wall decorations, etc. to accessorize the nursery.
- Put together the crib and other furniture.
- Find and purchase a dresser/changing table (we want a combo, to save space).
- Organize and put away all of these gifts from friends and family (right now they are piled in our living room and breakfast nook).
- Prepare for our BBQ Party (our last hurrah before adding babies to the mix).
- Host our BBQ Party.
- Video Race (this is scheduled for Memorial day weekend. It’s an annual event that we’ve never missed. Hopefully we get to participate this year).
- Pack for the delivery (we’ll need to have stuff ready if we happen to get a call saying “Come now!”).
- Thoroughly clean/scrub/vacuum our house (we live like pigs. Seriously.)
- Collapse from exhaustion, since it’s the last time we’ll get to collapse. Ever.
Looking at our task list (which I’m sure I left lots of stuff off, but it’s already intimidating enough) and the number of days we have that we won’t be at work is making our heads spin. Will we get it done? Especially since Nathan has set the goal of having the babies’ room done by our BBQ party, which is only two weeks away! YIKES!!!
04.06.09
Exhausted
I got home yesterday around 6:30 or so from the TLA conference in Houston. I’d stayed a couple of extra days to see family (W is getting SOOOO big!). I picked up the dogs and came home to a very empty house. N is on his way home now, but won’t be in until midnight or so.
I was able to get a fridge delivered to our room at the Hilton. They asked if it was for medical reasons, and I said yes. Though I guess technically it was not. At any rate, there was no charge because of my answer (it would have been $25 dollars for any other reason, which I was willing to pay). I did have to dump my first evening/night’s milk, though, because the fridge didn’t get cold and it stunk. I didn’t want to chance it. The next morning I told the front desk and they brought another one. This one smelled better, but wasn’t cold either. Then I noticed there was a knob for the temp. They’d only set it at the first level. I turned it up and all was well. I wasn’t able to pump as often as I do at home, but I managed 6 times each day (normally do 8). Not too bad considering I had to ride the bus back to the hotel every time I wanted to pump.
Today I submitted my letter of resignation to my principal. I had already told her I wouldn’t be coming back and she asked me to make it official so she can start looking for my replacement. It feels very odd to have quit one job when I don’t have another lined up. Well, I guess I do… Being a mom. But I am not used to not having a paying (or grade earning) gig on the horizon.
Speaking of, I MAY have a job opportunity ahead of me after all. And I’m not talking about substituting (though that is still an option). While I was at TLA I took the time to stop by the UNT booth in the exhibit hall. I was looking to talk to my ex storytelling professor. Luckily, I was able to talk with her on Thursday. After doing a little bit of catching up I told her I was wanting to look into working as an adjunct for SLIS. She lit up and said “I’m needing someone for the fall. It’s not storytelling, it’s 5600, but it would get your foot in the door.” I pounced on it. I asked what I needed to do to apply and she said to contact her after the conference and she’d send me the links. I emailed her just a few minutes ago and hope I’ll hear from her soon. The position would be teaching online, which means I could do it from home! And it would be a guaranteed 20 hours a week. She even said we could work due dates around N’s schedule so I’d have time to do grading. 
The way she talked it would be easy for me to step into this position. She even said “You would work so well with our team!” If this works out I would be SO excited. I really think it would be perfect for me. Keep your fingers crossed that it really does work out!
03.08.09
Upswing
I’m sure it’s been pretty obvious over the last month or so that I’ve been fairly hormonal/depressed/moody whatever you want to call it. It’s a wonder N put up with me as long as he did (he did finally snap back at me last week, but I can’t really blame him). I was beginning to wonder if it was the pumping that was making me such a mess. I’m happy to report, that must not be it! Because I’m finally feeling back to my normal self and seeing things in a much more positive light.
The real turning point was Wednesday. I’m not sure if it was seeing the babies, finally finishing my period after having the IUD removed, or a combination of the two that flipped the switch, but I’ll take it. I’m able to smile again and haven’t had even one crying jag since then. Believe it or not, that’s a bit accomplishment.
Thursday and Friday I got to show off the ultrasound pictures at work and break the news to everyone that we were no longer having two girls, but instead one of each. The squealing that went on in that building was deafening! LOL. Also, I finally talked to a student about the babies. It was a teacher’s kid, so I wasn’t quite as concerned about talking to her. She came in and saw the babies’ pictures and said “Wow! You’re having two?” I said “Yes. But they’re not in my tummy. They’re in Oklahoma.” She asked “Are they already borned?” I told her, “No, I have a friend who is keeping them in her tummy.” She looked at me a little funny so I said “Remember how I told you about my heart? Well, my heart can’t take care of a baby inside of me. So my friend is taking care of them until I can.” Her response was “That’s very nice of her.” Yes. Yes, it is!
Yesterday I decided I was tired of my hair being so “blah” so I went in and got it all chopped off. I told the girl “chin length” and I guess it is when it’s wet and/or flat. But as soon as it dries, it’s more like “earlobe length.” It’s okay. I’ll get used to it I’m sure. But for now I’m not really “wowed” by it. However, I went to a gathering with coworkers that evening, and everyone else seemed impressed. Hopefully it will grow on me. N didn’t comment when he got home last night and when I asked him about it he said “I’m trying to figure out if I like it.” Guess we’ll both have to get used to it.
Today I went to visit with my dad before heading over to Ft. Worth to visit a friend and her surrogate who just delivered her son. I got to show Dad the all of the pictures from the ultrasound as well as the DVD. It was nice spending some time with him and I really ought to do it more often, considering he’s not THAT far from me (okay, about 45 minutes, but that’s only 15 more minutes than what I drive to work every day). He’ll be coming over next Saturday to visit when my sister comes up for the shower. She’s going to leave my nephew with me while she and my mom go to my aunt’s house to get things ready for the shower and Dad will come play with W for awhile. Then my sister will come back so we can all go to dinner and then take W back to my aunt’s with her. It is going to be strange not having any of my family staying with me while they are in town.
After visiting with my dad, I went to visit with my friends. I was a little nervous at first, since I’ve only met each of them in person once, but after a little while I relaxed and was SO glad I went. And I think being around a baby might have even increased how much milk I’ll get today. Not 100% sure yet, but we’ll see tonight!
I found it interesting watching the interactions between C and M. C (the mom) had tried to induce lactation but is apparently having some trouble. M (the surrogate) will be pumping once they leave the hospital and go back home. But in the mean time, M has been nursing the baby. I have always said I think I’d be way too jealous of another woman nursing my baby (though LD has said she will if I want her to). But C handed him over without so much as a blink. Why do I feel guilty for feeling like I would be unable to do the same?
Lots of stuff going on. Time seems to be just speeding by and it’s amazing to realize we have less than 100 days (most likely) before we will meet our babies. Part of me can’t wait, and part of me wants things to slow down a little so I can catch up and get ready! LOL
03.02.09
So much for that idea.
Every now and then it feels as if God is orchestrating things to fall exactly into place. When you feel like that, you get really comfortable. But God likes to keep you on your toes. So it’s a good idea to never get too comfy… I got reminded of that little lesson today.
Back in August I had mentioned to someone that I was interested in finding a job share position (two people sharing one position, each working part time) for the 2009-10 school year. Overhearing my comment, a librarian from another school said she too was interested in sharing next year. It was like a match made in heaven! We were both looking for the same thing, at the same time. Perfect, right? So I asked our district library coordinator about it. She said that the district would only pay for insurance for one of the two that are sharing. Small panic. Until I talked with my potential sharer, who said she is on her husband’s insurance and I could have it. Great! No problems now…
Then I get an email from the library coordinator today. Apparently, for “financial reasons” the district is no longer allowing job share positions. So we’re out of luck. And the carpet was yanked right out from under us.
We’re both expecting children and want to be able to work our schedules with our husbands so that we do not have to use childcare. Just when we should be at our happiest, we’re stuck wondering if we’ll even be able to afford to keep a roof over our children… Okay, it may not be quite THAT bad (I hope), but it stinks. And I’m not sure what we’re going to do.
I’ve come up with two possible options. One is to substitute. It doesn’t get paid much, and it does not provide benefits, but if I work 90 days or more within a school year I get credit for a year in TRS. Plus, it’s very flexible and I can work around N’s schedule, whatever that might be.
The other option is to work at a book store part time. Barnes and Noble and Borders both provide benefits to part time employees. I’m not sure if they’re any good or not, of course. And I’m sure they pay didly, but at least it would be a paycheck, and I’d have the option of working weekends for more flexibility with N’s schedule.
Honestly, the substituting sounds like the better option to me, but I don’t know what N will think, or what would be best financially. We may be tightening our belts even more than we originally thought. One thing’s for sure. I’m glad N didn’t change his job status and drop insurance.
02.12.09
Oops I did it again…
No, I didn’t eat a pint of ice cream. But I did miss my 3 PM pump session again.
I ended up having to go to see my EP at that time. I’ve been feeling somewhat lightheaded and fatigued for a few days now, but today I added feeling a LOT of PVCs (irregular heart rhythm) and shortness of breath. I couldn’t figure out which of my doctors I should call, since I was pretty sure it was being caused by either the IUD or the herbal supplements, but it was effecting my heart… I finally decided to call the EP, since they’d be able to check my ICD and tell me exactly what had been happening (if not why). Sure enough, just as I’d suspected, I’d been getting a lot more PVCs than usual. I saw the NP and he kept talking about the herbal supplements and how no one knows if it can cause palpitations. I reminded him that after getting the IUD put in I’d been bleeding heavily for two weeks now and wondered if I could be anemic. He was very wishy-washy, but finally decided to write orders for me to have my blood drawn. While he was at it, I asked if I could also have my INR checked, as I’ve been calling for more supplies for TWO MONTHS now and still haven’t gotten them. He wrote STAT on the orders, but I still won’t find out the results until tomorrow.
I also called my GYN office and left a message for the nurse briefly saying what had been going on and that I was going for blood work to see if I am anemic. The nurse called back, but I didn’t get to my phone on time, and it was after office hours so I couldn’t call her back. She left a message and said that I should call in the morning (after 9:15) and if I really thought I was anemic I should take iron pills. I actually got some yesterday and started taking them, so I’m good to go on that front.
N is very upset with the NP. He thinks he’s under reacting and should have sent me to the ER so we could have the results faster. He also thinks that my red blood cell count will be so low that they’ll want to either give me a nupagen (sp?) shot or a blood transfusion. I think N’s over reacting, but he says that if I’m short of breath, that’s not good. I agree, but I also know I notice symptoms way before most people, so I think I’m still in the “safe” zone. Hopefully I can just keep taking the iron pills and be good. If this stupid period would stop I’m sure I’d feel much better!
As if all of that wasn’t enough, I also found out this week that having me on N’s insurance is a complete waste of money. I use his as a secondary to pick up what my insurance doesn’t cover. At least, that’s the way it is supposed to work (and I swear it used to!). But apparently that is not the case now. Instead of paying for the 20% my insurance did not pay for, they applied it to “co-insurance” because they seem to have a “No Duplication Plan.” They say they won’t pay for anything until I meet maximum out of pocket. But if that’s the case, they’ll never end up paying anything at all. By the time I meet out of pocket for THEM, I’ll have met the out of pocket for MY insurance and they’ll be paying 100%. So as secondary, they get off scott free and get to collect my premiums as well! 
It’s just not right. So N and I have been discussing various options. Because it’s not like we can just drop me from his insurance. Oh, no. That can’t be done until “open enrollment” in October unless there’s a “change of status.” So we’re considering having N change HIS status. If he goes to PRN at work he no longer gets benefits. Which would be a change of status (and drop us both from his insurance) and I should be able to get him onto my insurance. At first we weren’t sure if that would be a good option, since it’s so expensive to put him on mine. But he would make more money as PRN (if he works the same number of hours he works now), so that would make up for it. Of course, we don’t know yet what it will cost when (if) I switch to part time (job share), so I’m going to try calling tomorrow to find out. If it still works out well, I think we’ll be going with this plan. Why, oh why, does insurance have to be such a headache?!?!
