08.04.09
Fabulous news!
Where do I begin… First of all, I’m excited to report that LD and family are on their way to the airport as I type. They will be at Disney World until Sunday. I’m so excited for them and cannot wait to hear all about their trip! Last night at dinner I gave the whole family two assignments:
- When they return they must each tell me their favorite thing and I want details (“I liked the rides” will not do.
). - They must have the best time of their lives!!!!!
I guess you just can’t take the teacher out of me…
Speaking of… That leads me to my next bit of news. If you’ve been reading along from the beginning (or really just the last 8 months) you will know some of this. But I know some just started reading, so I’ll give a little background.
As soon as we knew we were planning to get pregnant N and I discussed my work situation. I wanted very much to stay home for at least the first two years, but he was worried about $$. So we came to a compromise and decided I’d go to part time and work the days he doesn’t (he only works 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts). It seemed perfect until my district did away with all part time positions. 
So we decided I would stay home and take substitute jobs on the days he is home, even though it wouldn’t be as much money….
Then in April I ran into a former professor of mine and we talked about the possibility of me being a TA for one of her online classes. But when I emailed her she said she only had an on campus position available and to try back in June. I emailed her in June and never heard back. So I applied to become a sub in two local school districts.
Well, yesterday I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize… It was that professor! She asked if I’d gotten her email in response to mine (I didn’t). I had not responded, so she looked me up in the alumni files and found my number. She needs an online TA for the Fall semester and offered the job to me!! So now I’ll be able to work from home at hours that are convenient for me and N!
I know it won’t be easy, but I’m so excited to have a more regular paycheck and not have to sub every day N is not. I may still do some subbing, depending on how things go, but now it’s not as imperative if I don’t. 
Speaking of N and his job (okay, so that’s a loose connection, but I had to segue somehow!)… When N works the next day, I take care of the babies every time they wake up in the night. It’s not a great idea for him to be exhausted while taking care of patients. When he will be home, he takes over for me around 4 am and lets me sleep in. For some reason the last couple of weeks he’s had to go in to work a lot more than usual (mandatory staff meetings), so he wasn’t able to do that for me much. Plus, I had them all day by myself. Needless to say, I was beyond exhausted. Well, he finally had a couple of days off in a row and without my even saying anything (I don’t think I had to. My mood and FaceBook statuses said it all!) he offered to take the baby monitor into the guest room and he would take care of the kids the whole night, allowing me the first full night’s sleep I’ve had since February! I slept for 7 whole hours! It was FABULOUS!!!!! And it really rejuvenated me. When I talked to Mom on the phone yesterday (before I’d even gotten the job phone call) she said it was the first time in a long time I’d sounded chipper. LOL It’s amazing what a little sleep can do! AND… N offered to do it again this week, despite his having seen “every hour of the night” because the twins tag teamed him all night long (he hasn’t figured out a comfortable way to feed them at the same time, which is the only thing that finally saved me from having those kind of nights). I have such a wonderful husband! <3
And now for the biggest news of all… Kyla rolled over!!!!!! Okay, I know it was an accident and it probably won't happen again for some time, but it makes me so proud anyway. After all, the fact that it happened at all indicates that her neck muscles are strong because she was able to pick up her head high enough to lose her balance and roll over. It happened Sunday while Dad and his wife were here, so I have witnesses.
So if you see me in the next few days, you'll probably see a big ol' smile on my face. Enjoy it while it lasts! LOL
04.06.09
Exhausted
I got home yesterday around 6:30 or so from the TLA conference in Houston. I’d stayed a couple of extra days to see family (W is getting SOOOO big!). I picked up the dogs and came home to a very empty house. N is on his way home now, but won’t be in until midnight or so.
I was able to get a fridge delivered to our room at the Hilton. They asked if it was for medical reasons, and I said yes. Though I guess technically it was not. At any rate, there was no charge because of my answer (it would have been $25 dollars for any other reason, which I was willing to pay). I did have to dump my first evening/night’s milk, though, because the fridge didn’t get cold and it stunk. I didn’t want to chance it. The next morning I told the front desk and they brought another one. This one smelled better, but wasn’t cold either. Then I noticed there was a knob for the temp. They’d only set it at the first level. I turned it up and all was well. I wasn’t able to pump as often as I do at home, but I managed 6 times each day (normally do 8). Not too bad considering I had to ride the bus back to the hotel every time I wanted to pump.
Today I submitted my letter of resignation to my principal. I had already told her I wouldn’t be coming back and she asked me to make it official so she can start looking for my replacement. It feels very odd to have quit one job when I don’t have another lined up. Well, I guess I do… Being a mom. But I am not used to not having a paying (or grade earning) gig on the horizon.
Speaking of, I MAY have a job opportunity ahead of me after all. And I’m not talking about substituting (though that is still an option). While I was at TLA I took the time to stop by the UNT booth in the exhibit hall. I was looking to talk to my ex storytelling professor. Luckily, I was able to talk with her on Thursday. After doing a little bit of catching up I told her I was wanting to look into working as an adjunct for SLIS. She lit up and said “I’m needing someone for the fall. It’s not storytelling, it’s 5600, but it would get your foot in the door.” I pounced on it. I asked what I needed to do to apply and she said to contact her after the conference and she’d send me the links. I emailed her just a few minutes ago and hope I’ll hear from her soon. The position would be teaching online, which means I could do it from home! And it would be a guaranteed 20 hours a week. She even said we could work due dates around N’s schedule so I’d have time to do grading. 
The way she talked it would be easy for me to step into this position. She even said “You would work so well with our team!” If this works out I would be SO excited. I really think it would be perfect for me. Keep your fingers crossed that it really does work out!
03.02.09
So much for that idea.
Every now and then it feels as if God is orchestrating things to fall exactly into place. When you feel like that, you get really comfortable. But God likes to keep you on your toes. So it’s a good idea to never get too comfy… I got reminded of that little lesson today.
Back in August I had mentioned to someone that I was interested in finding a job share position (two people sharing one position, each working part time) for the 2009-10 school year. Overhearing my comment, a librarian from another school said she too was interested in sharing next year. It was like a match made in heaven! We were both looking for the same thing, at the same time. Perfect, right? So I asked our district library coordinator about it. She said that the district would only pay for insurance for one of the two that are sharing. Small panic. Until I talked with my potential sharer, who said she is on her husband’s insurance and I could have it. Great! No problems now…
Then I get an email from the library coordinator today. Apparently, for “financial reasons” the district is no longer allowing job share positions. So we’re out of luck. And the carpet was yanked right out from under us.
We’re both expecting children and want to be able to work our schedules with our husbands so that we do not have to use childcare. Just when we should be at our happiest, we’re stuck wondering if we’ll even be able to afford to keep a roof over our children… Okay, it may not be quite THAT bad (I hope), but it stinks. And I’m not sure what we’re going to do.
I’ve come up with two possible options. One is to substitute. It doesn’t get paid much, and it does not provide benefits, but if I work 90 days or more within a school year I get credit for a year in TRS. Plus, it’s very flexible and I can work around N’s schedule, whatever that might be.
The other option is to work at a book store part time. Barnes and Noble and Borders both provide benefits to part time employees. I’m not sure if they’re any good or not, of course. And I’m sure they pay didly, but at least it would be a paycheck, and I’d have the option of working weekends for more flexibility with N’s schedule.
Honestly, the substituting sounds like the better option to me, but I don’t know what N will think, or what would be best financially. We may be tightening our belts even more than we originally thought. One thing’s for sure. I’m glad N didn’t change his job status and drop insurance.
09.17.08
Set to go!
N and I went to our teaching appointment today. We learned all about what meds I’ll be taking and when, along with how to mix them and draw them up. There was so much info I’m a bit nervous I might mix something up. However, N being a nurse, I’m hoping he’ll help me if I get confused.
After meeting with Ronda the “numbers girl” came in. She went over what we have already paid and how much we had yet to pay. I wrote a whopping check and SHOULD be done with all of the money to the doctor and his office. Then I went down to the ARTS department and filled out a ton of paperwork, then was told about MORE money that will go to them. Geeze! I’m glad we made sure to save up!
I’m supposed to take my first shot of lupron tonight. I’ve got it all laid out and ready to go. Ronda has it on the calendar as being at 9 o’clock, though she did say it didn’t have to be exact. I’ll try to wait though.
But chances are I’ll wind up going to bed immediately following, because I’ve been EXHAUSTED all day. I’m not sure if it’s from all the stress lately, or if it’s because of the way my ICD is set for now, or maybe it’s because all in my head. Whatever the reason, I have had to really turn on my acting skills today every time I’ve had a class just to keep the kids from being concerned. And to top it off, I never did hear from the EP. He said he was going to call me today “after school hours” but I seriously doubt I’ll be hearing from him at this point. It is almost 8 o’clock. I don’t know what school he went to but school ended nearly 5 hours ago. Also, he said he was going to call my cardiologist and I called her office this afternoon to see if she’d heard from him and her receptionist said she had not gotten any calls from him. I plan to call tomorrow and see if anyone can give me some info. I just want to feel like we are making some sort of progress instead of just sitting around waiting. If nothing else, we could get the x-ray taken care of, I would think…
Anyway, I’ll probably update briefly after my lupron injection, just to say how it went.
07.31.08
Nice friends…
I am such a lucky person. I feel like everything is just falling into place so nicely. A week or so ago I had a friend (who’s surro is now pregnant- woo hoo! ) email me and tell me she has an entire cycle’s worth of meds left over and she wanted to know if I’d be willing to buy them from her at a much cheaper price than I would normally pay (like $100 less per box! 
). So I called up the nurse at Dr. C’s office and asked what meds I’d be taking. The most expensive one, gonal f, is the one my friend has 5 boxes of! So I’ll be able to get all that I need and save money in the process. Woo hoo! God is good.
03.09.08
Two steps forward, one step back
Here I thought everything was going SO well, and BAM… Last night N and I had a fight. We got a check in the mail from our mortgage escrow account and I said “Woo-hoo! This is going in the baby fund!” And N got mad. I got mad right back because 1) I was joking, and 2) he had just said the day before “When I get my tax refund, I’m buying a blueray player.” So what’s so different?! We shouted back and forth a lot. He said something about “How many times have you brought it up today?!” (meaning surrogacy and a baby). I said, “Not even half of the times it was on my mind. Do you know how annoying it is to walk around on eggshells around you? I feel like I can’t talk about what’s on my mind because it might annoy you. It’s ALWAYS on my mind. I can’t help it.” We didn’t solve anything, just went into separate rooms and steamed privately. I know we need to talk about it, but I don’t like to argue and I know we will. Why can’t he be as excited as I am? Why can’t he and I be on the same page completely? Why do I have to be so obsessed? It’s just so frustrating!!!
02.17.08
Up, down, and up again…
As I’ve said before, I tend to go in cycles with my emotions. Generally, if I wait it out, I’ll start feeling better. This time is no different. I’m much more positive about the likelihood of us saving the money we will need for a surrogacy journey.
Today N and I talked about how much of our existing savings we would put into “baby” vs. “fun” accounts. We set the amount, and they are now in separate accounts so it is easy to see how much is in each. N suggested that we split what we save each month by 60/40 (with the 60 going for baby), then when the fun fund reaches a certain amount (we decided that amount already) we’ll start putting a higher percentage into the baby fund (most likely 75/25).
Also, I am looking into moving some money from an AIM fund that my mom set up for me into an ING fund, which is more liquid and promises a higher return. Combine that with what we should be getting back from the government for our tax refund, and we should be looking at a higher number than I was thinking we would reach by the end of the year.
I started doing some math, and realize that it should be possible to save what we need in about two years. That is, if we stop eating out so much and stop putting so much on the credit card. Last month was almost $2,000, which is not usual. Though, looking back at the things we spent the money one, I’m pretty sure it was a fluke month and won’t happen often. At least, I hope. I want to be able to put at least $1,000 back each month. I’m pretty sure it’s possible. I plan to put back money on a certain date each month so it doesn’t end up getting spent.
I wonder, also, if a dream I had last night has anything to do with my change in mood. (Well, that and the sweet words of my friend.) Last night I dreamed that we had a baby boy. We were completely unprepared and had nothing for the baby other than one package of diapers (and those were odd, to say the least). But thinking about the little boy’s face makes me smile, regardless of how unprepared we were. His face was so precious! I wrote to TOSS and told about my dream and stated that perhaps it was telling me that we are not ready to be parents. My friend said maybe it meant we were ready, we just didn’t THINK we were… Not sure about either interpretation, but it makes me feel good that she thinks we really should be parents (she’s said as much several times). I really appreciate how kind she is. She makes me think that maybe we CAN do this.
02.14.08
Breaking point?
Yesterday I broke down and cried harder than I think I have in a long time. I’m just so emotionally spent. Rather than retype it all, I figured I’d just copy the email I sent to TOSS:
“Unfortunately, I think I may just be at that point [of giving up]… N just bought a stinkin’ iPhone today. $400 (plus tax) for the phone and $20 more on our bill each month. Obviously his priorities are WAY different than mine. I said ‘Hope you like your phone. No TV for you now.’ He goes, ‘What? I can still get my TV. I still have $4,000 that’s mine to spend how I want.’ (I assume he’s referring to the $2,000 he got from his grandmother for Christmas and his birthday, each. However, the Christmas one was for BOTH of us…)
Then when we got home (he was setting up his iPhone) I was really quiet. He asked me if I was annoyed with him. I said no because I didn’t want to get into an argument. He kept pressing the issue and so I finally said ‘I didn’t realize I’d be annoyed until you actually went through with it.’ He got all bent out of shape and said ‘What? Every spare dollar we have has to go towards a baby?’ To which I responded, ‘Dollar?!? You just spent $500!’ He said ‘Nuh-uh. It was $400.’ ‘But we now have an extra charge every month too.’ ‘I just paid for that by working extra hours yesterday.’ Grrr! I said something about ‘Great. Then you can work an extra shift every week so we can save for a kid. I don’t have that option. I don’t get bonus pay. There’s nothing more I can do.’ He just rolled his eyes at me. I said ‘You should have just let me keep it at ‘no.” ‘What, and let you stew about it until it explodes at me??’
He just left to go to one of his games. I’m glad he’s out of the house tonight so I don’t have to deal with him. I’m just so frustrated. I keep watching what savings we have slipping from between my fingers and he doesn’t care. At least, it feels that way. This is more stress than I can handle… I’m ready to nix the whole idea just so I can stop being miserable.”
I’m feeling slightly better than I was last night. I had a dear friend say some very kind things that helped me feel better. See, I think partially I was wondering if I really deserve to have this work out and become a mom. I mean, I’m just not sure if it’s what God has planned for me. But my friend made me feel as if maybe He does want this for us. Maybe He’s just trying to get things lined up perfectly. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how things unfold.
01.05.08
Making a plan
Yesterday we went to visit N’s aunt so we could see her granddaughter, C, who is 5 years old (N’s cousin’s kid). At first N wasn’t sure if he felt like going, since the last two times we’ve gone to see her she didn’t take to N like he had hoped (of course, being that there was a crowd of people around, she was a bit overwhelmed… It was at a wedding!). Anyway, she seemed to be okay with him this time and even played with him a little. I tried to hang back so that he and his sister (who hadn’t seen C since she was a baby) could play with her (and I wouldn’t seem like I was trying to be “maternal”). But later in the evening she started climbing all over me and using me as a jungle gym. I was EXHAUSTED!
On the way home N says “So you want to impregnate some chick this summer, huh?” (Yes, he has such a way with words, doesn’t he?) I said “Well, yes, but only if you’re ready.” A conversation then ensued (And I didn’t have to start it! Woo Hoo!). So he said lots of things, but these are the things that stick out: “When we’re around kids I think ‘Sure, it would be cool to have one.’ but when I actually think about being ‘pregnant’ in just six months it freaks me the *&^% out.” (I told him I can understand that completely. It is a bit freaky.) “I mean, if we spend our life savings on a kid now, we’ll never get to do all the things we’ve talked about doing.” (He’s referring to taking trips, getting his big TV, and mostly trips.) “I don’t want to feel like I’m holding you back. I want you to be happy.” (I told him I didn’t want to push him into something he’s not ready for and that if waiting is what he wants to do, then that’s okay.) “I’m kind of wishing I’d gotten my *&^% together sooner so we could have had time for just us and two incomes before getting a kid.” “I don’t want our kid to be too far removed from W. I want them to grow up together.” (I fully agreed with this one.) “How about we look at our bank accounts and our bills and figure out a plan
to put money into both a ‘baby fund’ and a ‘fun fund’ so we can still do some of the things we talked about?” I told him that would be fine.
So that’s where we are. I’m going to work on a plan based on what we have in the bank right now (would probably be “good enough” to start a journey, but not if we’re separating some for “fun”) and figure out how much we can add to each “fund” every month. Then we’ll see how long it will be before we can start a journey. Before I do that, though, I have a couple of questions:
1. How much, overall, surrogacy to cost? I figured I needed at least $30K in the bank to get started. We might need more than that, but we’d have 9 months to get the rest together while the baby is incubating.
2. How much do other IMs have saved before they started?
3. How much goes to people other than the SM (lawyers, doctors, etc.)?
4. How much cushion should we have for the “worst case scenario” situations (like bed rest, premie, etc.)
I’ve asked these questions on TOSS and I’m still waiting on responses.
I’m pleased that we are at least heading in a direction. This morning I sat down with our bank statements (online) and did some figuring. Right now we have about $27K in savings. When looking at the money we bring in each month compared to how much goes out for bills, etc. I figure we have about $1K left over to put in savings. Personally, I’d rather not wait more than two years to start “making” a kid. So I’d like to be able to put about 60% in “baby fund” and 40% in “fun fund” (if not more in “baby fund”) so that we can add it up faster. If we put in $600 per month we’d end up with about $7,200 at the end of a year. That’s not much. If we start out with, say $15K, in the baby fund, that makes only $22,200. But add another 6 months of saving (and perhaps “donations” from birthdays, anniversaries, etc.), we could have enough to feel comfortable starting in summer of 2009. That sure sounds an awful long way away…
So let’s look at it another way. Say we start out with $15K in the baby fund, and add $750 each month. That would make $24K at the end of a year. That’s not much more than the $600 scenario.
Any way I look at it, unless I use a bigger chunk of our $27K, we’re looking at waiting at least a year and a half to two years. Well, at least we have a plan (sort of).
Oh! And I just got an email from an IM friend of mine on TOSS. She says that when all is said and done, she’ll probably have spent $65K on surrogacy (they’ve had to try 3 times, but they also had frozen embryos, so they didn’t have to pay for egg retrieval at least). Maybe it will be closer to 3-4 years…
08.29.07
Dollar Signs everywhere!
We will finally be closing on our house in less than two days. We’ve been waiting to even find out if we would get the house for over a month. We found out for sure on Monday, and we’re closing on Friday! How crazy is that?!?
So now dear hubby is planning his game room, entertainment center, and other areas of the house. All I can see are dollar signs racking up. I thought we’d have money left over after we bought our house… Now I’m not so sure. And the less money we have in the end, the longer it will be before we can persue surrogacy. And we keep talking about all these things we’d like to “eventually” do to the house. More money, less kid. Maybe I’ll never get to be a mom. I hope that’s not true, but alas, I’m not sure we’ll ever have the accumulated savings we will need to go through a surrogacy journey or adoption. I hate, hate, hate that it costs so darn much for us to become parents. And that’s before the kid is even born!!!
