02.09.09
Interesting Realizations
Okay, so I’ve figured out two things…
First involves the IUD I had put in one week ago. In the brochure it says that it works by preventing implantation, or something like that. But that’s a total lie. No, I believe the IUD works like this: It keeps you bleeding so long and so profusely you’ll never even THINK about having sex again… That’s how it’s 99.4% effective. 
The second is about the inducing lactation. I’ve realized that I will probably have to go back to waking up in the middle of the night to pump. This morning when I woke up my breasts were sore. Not unbearably painful, but uncomfortable for sure. I don’t think I was engorged or anything. I don’t make enough for that. But I’ve noticed that I get a little more sore the longer I go without pumping. I guess this is a good thing. Things continue to go well. Each day I seem to get a little bit more. I’m so excited that this is going so well. I just hope I’m not too exhausted by the time the babies arrive. 
Oh, wait. I think I came up with one more thing I realized… Registering is hard. N and I went to Babies R Us today to try and get a start on our registry, and I think we put about 10 items on it. We couldn’t decide on anything. Well, we were okay on some of the small things. But when we start thinking about the big stuff, we just can’t seem to settle on anything. Not too surprising, considering the fact that it took us over a year and a half before we finally got the TV we’d been talking about getting… Blah.
Time to pump and head for bed.
05.30.08
God’s presence…
When I started this blog I certainly was in a different place than I am today. I was agonizing, lamenting, and stressing over the all encompassing desire to become a mom. Today I can honestly say I know it will happen. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, it may not even be the Sept/Oct transfer we’re hoping for. But that doesn’t matter. It will happen when it’s SUPPOSED to happen. God will bless me with a child when the right one is ready. HE is in control.
I’ve always had some degree of faith. But I’ve not been the most diligent about maintaining the relationship with God that helps to ease the stress and feel at peace. The last several weeks I’ve been calling on the Lord and thanking Him for his love and understanding. I have one person in particular to thank for bringing me back on the right path (other than God, of course). And that is LD. Talking to her over the last few months we’ve realized that God certainly had His hand it getting us together. But even more is the fact that she has been speaking so joyfully about her new church and the messages she feels have been meant just for her. It reminded me of how much I miss that relationship with God that I had back in college. It was when I was diligent in prayer, worship, and my relationship with Him that I met N and we fell in love. He was instrumental in that. And I know He is the one that will bring us to parenthood when He sees we are ready. Not just in our heads, but in our spirits.
Even when I was an active member of a Christian Fellowship in college I kept my faith pretty private, except with those with which I attended worship and Bible study. But lately, as I’ve reconnected with God and started a personal Bible study (though a study guide), I’ve been sharing with everyone I’ve come into contact with. I feel such joy in Him. And the peace of knowing that whatever happens will be the right thing. While this may not have been MY plan, it is His plan. And that is comforting.
Thank you, Lord, for helping me to find this peace and not worry about the results of the clomid challenge or anything that is yet to come. And thank you, LD, for helping me reconnect with Him. I think that gift is just as precious as the one you’re offering to us through carrying our child. God bless you.
04.18.08
W visit- Day 6
I had intended to blog each day of W’s visit, but that has proven to be impossible. Simply because there has been NO time to get on the computer until today! And the reason I can get on today is because W is taking a nap at the moment. This is the first time that he’s been napping while I was home.
I’ve been so exhausted this week. Between working all day, then coming home and taking care of W, I’m just tired. Today has been the easiest day because I got home at 1 o’clock (way earlier than usual because I had a conference that ended at 11:30) and MY aunt came over and watched W while I fell asleep on the couch. By the time I woke up, W was asleep for his nap! I could get used to this.
So I’ve learned a lot from this week. First and foremost, this mommy thing is HARD! I honestly think it has a lot to do with working all day (a tiring endeavor to begin with for me), then coming home and having no down time. N has also realized how hard it is and says we will have to hire someone to help us out so that we can have time to do our own things. I’m not sure if that is accurate or not, but told him we could cross that bridge when/if we come to it.
I also learned that, other than a few incidences of not stopping him in time to save him from getting hurt, N and I are not too bad at this. W seems to be completely comfortable with me and has been since day one, even turning to me when he’s been nervous about other people who have come over. He adores N, and just looking at him can send W into a fit of giggles. It’s so funny to watch. While it was sometimes annoying that W would fuss all afternoon long, then N would come home and he’d become a completely different kid, it was still fun to watch.
Another lesson I learned is that no matter how tired or stressed I’ve gotten, when W lays his little head on my shoulder and snuggles close, it all disappears. I adore that feeling more than anything. And even though I know we’re going to have to take some time to reassess how our lives will be changed by parenthood, I’m happy to say that both N and I are still willing to go through with it.
