03.08.09
Upswing
I’m sure it’s been pretty obvious over the last month or so that I’ve been fairly hormonal/depressed/moody whatever you want to call it. It’s a wonder N put up with me as long as he did (he did finally snap back at me last week, but I can’t really blame him). I was beginning to wonder if it was the pumping that was making me such a mess. I’m happy to report, that must not be it! Because I’m finally feeling back to my normal self and seeing things in a much more positive light.
The real turning point was Wednesday. I’m not sure if it was seeing the babies, finally finishing my period after having the IUD removed, or a combination of the two that flipped the switch, but I’ll take it. I’m able to smile again and haven’t had even one crying jag since then. Believe it or not, that’s a bit accomplishment.
Thursday and Friday I got to show off the ultrasound pictures at work and break the news to everyone that we were no longer having two girls, but instead one of each. The squealing that went on in that building was deafening! LOL. Also, I finally talked to a student about the babies. It was a teacher’s kid, so I wasn’t quite as concerned about talking to her. She came in and saw the babies’ pictures and said “Wow! You’re having two?” I said “Yes. But they’re not in my tummy. They’re in Oklahoma.” She asked “Are they already borned?” I told her, “No, I have a friend who is keeping them in her tummy.” She looked at me a little funny so I said “Remember how I told you about my heart? Well, my heart can’t take care of a baby inside of me. So my friend is taking care of them until I can.” Her response was “That’s very nice of her.” Yes. Yes, it is!
Yesterday I decided I was tired of my hair being so “blah” so I went in and got it all chopped off. I told the girl “chin length” and I guess it is when it’s wet and/or flat. But as soon as it dries, it’s more like “earlobe length.” It’s okay. I’ll get used to it I’m sure. But for now I’m not really “wowed” by it. However, I went to a gathering with coworkers that evening, and everyone else seemed impressed. Hopefully it will grow on me. N didn’t comment when he got home last night and when I asked him about it he said “I’m trying to figure out if I like it.” Guess we’ll both have to get used to it. 
Today I went to visit with my dad before heading over to Ft. Worth to visit a friend and her surrogate who just delivered her son. I got to show Dad the all of the pictures from the ultrasound as well as the DVD. It was nice spending some time with him and I really ought to do it more often, considering he’s not THAT far from me (okay, about 45 minutes, but that’s only 15 more minutes than what I drive to work every day). He’ll be coming over next Saturday to visit when my sister comes up for the shower. She’s going to leave my nephew with me while she and my mom go to my aunt’s house to get things ready for the shower and Dad will come play with W for awhile. Then my sister will come back so we can all go to dinner and then take W back to my aunt’s with her. It is going to be strange not having any of my family staying with me while they are in town.
After visiting with my dad, I went to visit with my friends. I was a little nervous at first, since I’ve only met each of them in person once, but after a little while I relaxed and was SO glad I went. And I think being around a baby might have even increased how much milk I’ll get today. Not 100% sure yet, but we’ll see tonight!
I found it interesting watching the interactions between C and M. C (the mom) had tried to induce lactation but is apparently having some trouble. M (the surrogate) will be pumping once they leave the hospital and go back home. But in the mean time, M has been nursing the baby. I have always said I think I’d be way too jealous of another woman nursing my baby (though LD has said she will if I want her to). But C handed him over without so much as a blink. Why do I feel guilty for feeling like I would be unable to do the same?
Lots of stuff going on. Time seems to be just speeding by and it’s amazing to realize we have less than 100 days (most likely) before we will meet our babies. Part of me can’t wait, and part of me wants things to slow down a little so I can catch up and get ready! LOL
02.20.09
If it’s not one thing…
it’s another. 
Monday I went to my GYN and all seemed well. I had stopped (or for the most part stopped) bleeding and the IUD looked to still be in place. She had no explanation for the PVCs, so she suggested stopping the herbs, in case they were the cause. She was amazed at the quantity of milk I’m already making and thinks it’s reasonable to assume I will be okay without the herbs. So far my PVCs seem to have slowed down (but get a bit worse in the evening) and my milk production has plateaued. It hasn’t gone up, but at least it hasn’t gone down either. Not sure if it is because I stopped the herbs or if it’s just a coincidence.
She wanted to have me come in for a sonogram to check the IUD placement and I set that up for Thursday. Yesterday. That’s when the bomb fell. The IUD had slipped out of position. My body is trying to expel it! 
So it needs to be removed. But she didn’t want to do that until she talked to the manufacturer to see if they would pay for a replacement. I found out this afternoon that they will, so I’ve been scheduled to get this one removed and the new one put in on Friday afternoon at 4:45. Please pray for me at that time. Because the first time was horrible, but at least I didn’t know what was to come. This time I do. And I’m afraid it may make it worse!
I really wish my body would just be semi-normal. What should have been an easy fix to the “don’t get pregnant” dilemma, has turned into a nightmare. 
(or at least a very bad dream) I’m always trying to find the lesson I’m supposed to learn or the purpose behind the events of my life. At the moment, I’m having a hard time finding one. I know it’s there… But it may take a bit to find it.
02.09.09
Interesting Realizations
Okay, so I’ve figured out two things…
First involves the IUD I had put in one week ago. In the brochure it says that it works by preventing implantation, or something like that. But that’s a total lie. No, I believe the IUD works like this: It keeps you bleeding so long and so profusely you’ll never even THINK about having sex again… That’s how it’s 99.4% effective.
The second is about the inducing lactation. I’ve realized that I will probably have to go back to waking up in the middle of the night to pump. This morning when I woke up my breasts were sore. Not unbearably painful, but uncomfortable for sure. I don’t think I was engorged or anything. I don’t make enough for that. But I’ve noticed that I get a little more sore the longer I go without pumping. I guess this is a good thing. Things continue to go well. Each day I seem to get a little bit more. I’m so excited that this is going so well. I just hope I’m not too exhausted by the time the babies arrive.
Oh, wait. I think I came up with one more thing I realized… Registering is hard. N and I went to Babies R Us today to try and get a start on our registry, and I think we put about 10 items on it. We couldn’t decide on anything. Well, we were okay on some of the small things. But when we start thinking about the big stuff, we just can’t seem to settle on anything. Not too surprising, considering the fact that it took us over a year and a half before we finally got the TV we’d been talking about getting… Blah.
Time to pump and head for bed.
10.09.08
Egg retrieval
I’m laying here on the couch with a heating pad on my midsection in mucho pain. I still have another hour before I can take some more tylenol.
At any rate, here’s a summary of this morning:
We arrived at the ARTS department at 8:00 and waited in the waiting room for awhile. I think we were taken back pretty close to 8:15, but I didn’t look at the time. I changed and the nurse came in to ask the laundry list of questions they always ask. That took a long time, since I have such an extensive medical history. At 9:10 the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me and hooked up my IV. The nurse said Dr. C would be coming downstairs so we could get started shortly… So we waited…. and waited… and waited. At 9:35 the nurse came in again and said that Dr. C had gotten delayed and would be down in a few minutes. Once again we waited… and waited… and waited (it’s important to note that at this point, I was getting VERY annoyed and apprehensive). FINALLY at 10:00 Dr. C showed up and we immediately went to the OR and I was put into the stirrups. The anesthesiologist must have given me something in the IV because the next thing I know, I’m waking up in the room with N (He didn’t get to come into the OR with me, as much as he wanted to).
I was told they will be calling later with an updated count, but for now we know there are 20 eggs. We had told the nurse we only wanted to ICSI 10 of the eggs (after 10 the price goes up), but Dr. C called me and said he didn’t think that was a good idea, so I gave in and said to go ahead and ICSI all of them. Hopefully it’s worth it! I can’t wait to find out tomorrow how many fertilize!
At first I was only slightly uncomfortable, but not in much pain. It has only been the last hour or so that I’ve started to feel actual pain. Hopefully that will subside soon.
Thanks for the prayers everyone!
10.06.08
Getting close!
The nurse who is filling in for Ronda (Ruth) called a couple of minutes ago. My estrogen is at 4543, and her comment was “You’re probably feeling a bit bloated.” Uh, yeah! But she said I’m “not quite ready” but hopefully will be tomorrow and I’m to continue with the same meds I was doing before. They measured 14 follicles ranging in size from 13.5 to 17. She told me all of the measurements, but she was talking too fast for me to get them all written down. I do know that 2 of them were 17, so that’s good. Don’t ask me what they need to measure in order to be ready for the trigger shot, ’cause I don’t know, but I’m thinking it all looks good. She said I’ll probably be ready to trigger tomorrow.
LD also had her lining check today. She looks great! Her lining is 15.7 with a trilinear pattern (she says they wanted it to be at least 13 with the trilinear pattern). 
We’re right on track. I can’t believe we’re getting so close!!!
10.03.08
Wow.
This morning when I got dressed I looked the same as usual (well, with the addition of bruises on my belly from some of the shots)… But after work I went to happy hour with some coworkers (I hope that’s okay. no one said no alcohol while stimming…) and on the way home I realized my pants were feeling rather tight. So I unbuttoned them for the drive home. I just looked in the mirror and I guess you could say I’ve “popped out.” LD kept telling me I was going to look pregnant and nothing had changed this whole time, but this evening I feel like my belly is quite a bit bigger than just this morning! I almost feel like I should do a belly pic!
10.01.08
Whew! Much better!
I forgot to get on and update last night. I was SO nervous as I got ready to give myself the shots last night. I really didn’t want to go through that pain again. Fortunately, it was back to being a breeze. Okay, not exactly a breeze, but not nearly as painful.
A coworker of mine told me that her friend felt like she had the flu when she was on these meds. I’m thinking that may be contributing to my yucky feeling lately. I can’t really tell which symptoms are surgery recovery related, which are meds related, and which are ICD-not-working-in-top-form related. But this week these are the symptoms I’ve had:
- Foggy/scattered brain. I can’t seem to focus on anything for very long.
- Fatigue. I’ve been very tired.
- Night sweats. I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and HOT, then moments later I’m freezing.
- Small appetite. Okay, I’m not really complaining about this one, but it is unusual for me. It’s not that I’m not hungry. But it’s hard to figure out anything that sounds good and once I pick something and start eating I get full much faster than usual.
- Diarrhea. Okay, I realize this is way TMI, but I’ve been having this problem for the last several days. I have no idea what to attribute it to. It doesn’t make sense.
- Headache. I’m fairly certain this is the lupron. It started soon after starting this med and has been pretty much constant ever since. Sometimes more intense than others, but it’s been there all day every day.
- Swelling. My ankles and fingers have been swelling a bit more than they had been. Not sure if this is med related or heart related.
- Aches and pains. Well, some of these I know are from the surgery. The incisions are healing nicely, but I think the nerves are reconnecting and making it more painful. But there’s also the pain from the Gonal-F bruise and I’ve also had some minor aches and pains in my abdomen. Eggs growing, maybe?
It sounds as if I’m on deaths door when I list out the symptoms like that. I’m not. I’m functioning just fine. True, I don’t feel like I’m at the top of my game, but I’m still able to do my day-to-day routine. I’m truly not so miserable that I feel justified in complaining. I’ve felt worse, that’s for sure!
Oh, and I just thought I’d mention… Only 8 more days until the Egg Retrieval!!!! I’m so excited.
09.29.08
Back to the grindstone
I went back to work today and I just got home. I’m about to fall asleep as I type this, I’m so tired! But I’m doing much better than I was on Friday! It really wasn’t until I got home that I crashed. I did leave a little early, though. I have been WAY more sore today than I have been. I think it’s from being upright for more of the day. I’d been feeling pretty good over the weekend, but I spent most of that time laying on the couch reading. I think gravity has been my enemy today. Oh, well.
I’m sorry to say I still have no update on my ICD saga. I tried calling Dr. D’s office and I asked if there was any new information. All I got was a “No.” Not a “Let me see if I can find out something for you.” Not a “I’m sorry.” Just “No.” I was very put out and it took about all I had to not sit in my office and cry. Of course, it probably didn’t help that I’d also just had a horrible time with kindergarten and felt like my brain had forgotten how to teach or something. I’m SO hoping my brain decides to come with me to work tomorrow. I’ve got WAY more classes to deal with tomorrow and it would help if my brain attended.
WARNING: the following may be TMI!
Today marks the second day of stim meds. I’m assuming it’s related, but I got a little bit of brown spotting today, like at the end of AF. I’d thought AF was good and gone, but I guess there was just a little left or something. I’m not too worried, though. If it continues I’ll contact Ronda or I’ll mention it tomorrow when I go in for my blood work.
09.24.08
All together now!
I know it’s gross, but I’d appreciate it if everyone would say one prayer right now, as you read this… Please pray my period gets here today. If it doesn’t, I’m not sure what we will be able to do about this cycle.
I talked to Ronda this morning and told her I would be having surgery again on Thursday and would not be able to get in for my sonogram on Friday morning. I asked if it was possible to do it Friday afternoon and she said it was not because they wouldn’t have a sonographer there. She asked about Thursday morning. I said “I will be having surgery on Thursday, but he did say it would be afternoon, so I can probably make it first thing in the morning.” So that’s what we have set up. I’m to call her if anything changes.
She asked me if I’d started my period yet and I told her I had not but hoped it would come today. She said I can’t do the sono until I get my period, so against everything I’ve ever prayed before, I’m praying for it to come today. She asked me when my last BCP was and I told her it was on Sunday. She said “Yeah, you should get it today, then.” I hope she’s right. She asked me if I felt like it was coming and I told her I was so bloated from everything else I couldn’t tell. I’m going to be anxious about this all day, I’m sure.
08.15.08
She’s ba-ack!
AF has made her August appearance, and with a crampy vengeance. It figures it’s (once again) on a Friday afternoon. Guess I’m just lucky. I put in a call to Dr. C’s office (left a message with the answering service) and I imagine I’ll start on BCP Sunday or Monday. If I don’t hear from them this weekend I’ll call Monday morning. I’m not too worried this time around, since last time they didn’t seem to be worried about Sunday vs. Monday. ETA: I heard back from someone at Dr. C’s office! That was the fastest ever. At any rate, I start BCP on Sunday and call the nurse on Monday.
I’ve also started back to school. It’s been a lot of drama, let me tell you. But I’m not going to dwell on the bad stuff. Instead, I’ll focus on the good stuff. For example, everyone at school is super excited about our journey. I even had several people ask me how it was going as soon as they saw me. 
It’s so encouraging to know that everyone supports us in this path. You never know how people are going to react and I hear so many stories of people who get rude responses to the fact that they are using a surrogate. But honestly, all I’ve ever gotten are positive responses.
Another “good stuff” to bring up is my cardiologist appointment from today. I’m very excited to report that my heart is doing wonderfully and the doc who reads my annual MUGA scan even called my cardiologist to ask “What’s she been doing?” because my heart has improved so much! So apparently all the hassle of going up to the Mayo Clinic for that bi-v ICD was worth it in the end. I am just on cloud nine about that. It’s been such a long time since I came away from a cardiologist appointment with positive news. I really needed that. Things are really looking up!
