I went to visit my nephew, sister, and mom this past weekend. And wouldn’t you know it, AF came with me! Fortunately, I did bring enough “equipment” with me to last the three day weekend, even though things were much heavier than I’m used to. This is the first unmedicated AF I’ve had in 12 years! Either I forgot how bad it is, or age has made things worse! I was miserable. Bloated, gassy, crampy, and all around blah! I’m sad to say that my hormones wound up causing so much havoc in me that I left my sister’s house early and just know I hurt her feelings (though it certainly wasn’t my intention!).

Anyway, since I needed to have testing done on day 3 of my cycle, I was a bit worried. Monday was Memorial Day, which I was pretty sure meant their office would be closed. I called, hoping someone (anyone!) would call me back and let me know what I should do. I did not want to miss the window of opportunity and have to wait another month to get this testing done. No one called me back at all on Saturday. So I called again Sunday morning. I was told that no one called because it wasn’t an “emergency.” I told the operator that it might not be an emergency, but I needed to know what to do before their office would be open again. She suggested that we put it through as an “emergency” this time. So we did. I FINALLY got a call from a nurse at 2:30 (I was going to call again at 3 if I still hadn’t heard anything). I was told to come in for the tests on Tuesday (apparently the tests can be anywhere from day 3-5).

N rearranged his work schedule so he could come with me. He wanted to be there for me if the news was bad. He’s so sweet. He also started asking, “Do you think I should go ahead and have my testing done today?” I told him to wait until we knew more.

Anyway, I had the blood drawn and a sonogram done. The sonographer pointed out ovaries and the follicles on each. I’m fairly certain Dr. C didn’t see any follicles the last time, which is why he was worried. So I’m comforted by the fact that there were some this time. Also, there were no cysts, so I am now taking the “clomid challenge.” I was given a prescription for clomid that I started taking today (cycle day 5) and will take for a total of 5 days. On Monday I’ll return to the office and have the blood draw and sonogram done again. At that time we’ll have a better idea of my ovarian reserve…

Later in the day I got a call with my blood results. It looked good. My FSH was 8.5 and the estradiol was 44. I looked it up and anything below 10 for the FSH is good, and anything below 80 is good for the estradiol. So that looks promising as well.

I took my first dose of clomid this afternoon after I got home from work. I didn’t want to take it this morning for fear that I might get some of the side effects and didn’t want to experience them for the first time while at work. From what I understand it can cause major mood swings, hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, etc. Nothing that sounds fun. But maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones that doesn’t get any of them! One can hope. So far I think I might feel a twinge of dizziness, but nothing too bad.

Now that all the technical aspects of the last few days is out of the way, I thought I’d also reflect on some of the emotional… To begin with, when I was at my sister’s on Sunday night she had several friends over for a BBQ. At one point the topic of women who have a lot of kids came up, and then Mom mentioned “Jon and Kate plus 8″ (A reality show about a woman who had twins, and then sextuplets via IVF). One of my sister’s friends said “That’s a case where they should have listened to God…” It hurt. But I knew she didn’t have any idea about my situation and couldn’t possibly understand. So I simply got up and left the room. However, one of my sister’s other friends asked “Is your sister okay?” and pointed out the comment to everyone. So when I came back into the room, the friend that made the comment came and asked me if she’d offended me. I said, “Yes, a little.” She immediately started apologizing and telling me I’d misinterpreted what she’d said and that she just couldn’t personally imagine having that many kids or taking the risk of having that many at one time. I told her it wasn’t a big deal and not to worry about it, but she wouldn’t let it go. She kept trying to explain herself and I said “Look, I don’t expect people who’ve never had to deal with this kind of thing to understand or curb what they say.” She got huffy and said “You don’t know what I’ve had to deal with.” I said, “No, I don’t. But you don’t know what I’m going through either.” She continued to tell me of all the people she knows and cares about that have gone through infertility and how she thinks IVF is a good thing. Finally we let it drop. I know she didn’t intend to hurt me and I certainly don’t hold a grudge. But it hurt nonetheless and I have cried more than once over the conversation.

I actually ended up leaving my sister’s and staying at my mom’s house that night. I just didn’t feel like staying up late with her friends. I wanted to curl up and go to sleep, then head home as early as possible in the morning. I wanted to be home and would have left that night if I thought my mom wouldn’t have worried too much. I called N on the way to Mom’s house and cried to him almost all the way there. He was wonderfully supportive and managed to make me laugh through my tears. That is one of the many reasons I love him.

I’ve started feeling better, and I believe it has to do with coming towards the end of AF (though it may not last now that I’m on the clomid). I’ve actually been feeling God’s presence a lot over the last couple of weeks. LD and I decided to start a Bible study book together and even though we haven’t really done any of it “together” I’ve read several chapters and know God is trying to get a message to me. He’s also shown Himself through coworkers and music. I know this is the path God has planned for us. I’m so excited to see where it takes us.

It’s time to go feed the dogs. I’ll probably revisit this subject again with more detail.