04.29.08
The waiting begins…
Okay, so I started my period today. The one that came as a result of ending the active BCPs. Now the waiting begins… I’m really wondering when exactly I’ll end up having my next period. I’ve been on BCPs for so long that I have no clue how long my “natural” cycle will be. What if I skip the next one entirely simply because my body is weirded out not having the hormones anymore? I wish I knew what to expect. I think the nicest part of being on BCP was the fact that I always knew (within a day) when my period would come. Now, I’m completely clueless. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see…
Oh, we went ahead and paid for LD’s life insurance (it was a policy bought by her second IPs, so we just renewed it). Another step in that direction… Is this really happening?
04.22.08
RE Consult
As you all know, we went to our consultation appt. with Dr. C today. I’m not sure how to feel at this point… For now, we’re in the wait-and-see mode. He did an ultrasound on my ovaries to see if they looked good and decided that they did not. BUT it may just be due to the fact that I have been on BCP for so many years. I now have to stop my BCP and wait for a “natural” cycle, then we’ll do a repeat ultrasound and clomid challenge to determine whether or not my ovaries will produce a decent number of eggs… I can’t say I’m not extremely disappointed. I was hoping for “easy” but I have to remind myself that I NEVER do anything the easy way!
At first I thought I was only worried about the possibility that I might have lousy ovaries (he said it was possible that my numerous surgeries or birth defects could be a contributing factor). But as I was talking to LD I realized I’m also freaked out about the idea of being off BCP, for several reasons. First, because I absolutely do NOT want to get pregnant. Of course, if N and I get frisky, we’ll use other methods of birth control, but it’s still a scary possibility. But even more scary than that is the thought that I might have a repeat of my 2003 episode with an ovarian cyst that burst and caused MAJOR internal bleeding… THAT scares me more than anything. I do not want to go through that again. It was worse, even, than any of my heart surgeries (other than the one that got infected in 2005)! The third reason I’m worried is because I suffer from migraines. We tried LOTS of different BCPs until we found one on which I had very few (one time I had 5 within a month… And the month was February!). I’m not looking forward to that possibility either…
Okay, so other than that “little” thing, everything went okay. N thinks I was too aggressive and may have put Dr. C off… He may be right. He was explaining some things to me and I’d stop and ask him “but what about…?” I think I threw him off a few times. Especially when he said “we usually transfer only 1 or 2…” and I brought up M. He started blustering and said “In hind site, that was a mistake…” I tried to tell him I was just teasing, but I think it may have put him on the defensive… At least, that’s what N thinks. Neither of us were as impressed with him as we thought we would be, but so many people built him up in our heads I guess we were expecting something more… Not sure what. He wasn’t bad, just not what we expected… N thinks that’s because of me and my big mouth… Who knows. Maybe it’s just because it was the first time we met.
At any rate, that’s all I know for now. I figure we’ll wait to do LD’s testing until we’ve found out if I have anything to work with. Dr. C did say that N would have to “donate” his “guys” in advance and have them frozen. He said that LD could sign a waiver as far as the 6 months go, but did not indicate that we would use fresh sperm either way. So Nathan figures he’ll wait until my visit for the clomid challenge and then do the “FDA visit” (as Dr. C put it). I hate this whole hurry up and wait game… But I realize it’s part and parcel with this whole thing.
04.18.08
W visit- Day 6
I had intended to blog each day of W’s visit, but that has proven to be impossible. Simply because there has been NO time to get on the computer until today! And the reason I can get on today is because W is taking a nap at the moment. This is the first time that he’s been napping while I was home.
I’ve been so exhausted this week. Between working all day, then coming home and taking care of W, I’m just tired. Today has been the easiest day because I got home at 1 o’clock (way earlier than usual because I had a conference that ended at 11:30) and MY aunt came over and watched W while I fell asleep on the couch. By the time I woke up, W was asleep for his nap! I could get used to this. 
So I’ve learned a lot from this week. First and foremost, this mommy thing is HARD! I honestly think it has a lot to do with working all day (a tiring endeavor to begin with for me), then coming home and having no down time. N has also realized how hard it is and says we will have to hire someone to help us out so that we can have time to do our own things. I’m not sure if that is accurate or not, but told him we could cross that bridge when/if we come to it.
I also learned that, other than a few incidences of not stopping him in time to save him from getting hurt, N and I are not too bad at this. W seems to be completely comfortable with me and has been since day one, even turning to me when he’s been nervous about other people who have come over. He adores N, and just looking at him can send W into a fit of giggles. It’s so funny to watch. While it was sometimes annoying that W would fuss all afternoon long, then N would come home and he’d become a completely different kid, it was still fun to watch.
Another lesson I learned is that no matter how tired or stressed I’ve gotten, when W lays his little head on my shoulder and snuggles close, it all disappears. I adore that feeling more than anything. And even though I know we’re going to have to take some time to reassess how our lives will be changed by parenthood, I’m happy to say that both N and I are still willing to go through with it.
04.14.08
W Day 1- Death Trap
Yesterday was our first full day of taking care of W alone. Saturday doesn’t really count, since we were in the care the majority of the day. And I’ve learned something very important: While our house may be a wonderful playground for us, it’s a death-trap for babies…
Within minutes of arriving, W found every exposed wire, every small item that wasn’t strapped down, and every dog hair that wasn’t on the dogs (I swear I vacuumed!!!). As he crawled and toddled around the living room, I ran behind him picking things up, putting things out of reach, and generally chastising myself for thinking I’d “baby proofed” by simply adding plug covers and cabinet latches. Then the worst happened. Well, maybe not the worst but it sure made me feel bad…
W was having a grand ol’ time looking out the living room window when he turned to look back and me sitting on the couch. He grinned his adorable grin, then toddled over to the folding chair that happened to be sitting next to the TV tray acting as my end table… Yes, this was already spelling disaster. He’s been going to Baby Gym, so he’s rather into climbing and pulling up on things. Everything went in slow motion as I watched him reach for the top rung of the chair and pull up, causing the chair to begin to tilt backwards. As quickly as I was trying to move, it was not fast enough. W fell backwards with the chair, the back of his head bouncing off of the carpeted floor and the heavy chair rung bouncing off of his forehead. 
Immediate crying ensued, from both W and myself.
I was able to sooth him after only a few minutes, but I could already see a red bump appearing on his little forehead. I felt SO awful. At this point I think we’ve moved most of the dangerous items from his reach, but who knows what he’ll discover next. I just hope the bump is gone by the time he sees his mother again. Or I might never get to keep him again!
04.04.08
Spreading the word…
For some reason the topic of our surrogacy has come up in the teacher’s lounge a lot lately. I swear I’m not doing it intentionally. And today it was totally not my fault! There really wasn’t any reason for me to say anything about surrogacy in the conversation that was going on regarding child development in the first couple of years (my assistant principal was talking about her two sons and how different they are from one another in their development). But suddenly, my AP asks point-blank “So how are things going for you with the surrogacy?” I’ve never had her actually inquire about anything to do with me before, so I was a little surprised to begin with. But when I told her that we’d found our surrogate and had an appointment set up to find out what needs to be done to get ready she seemed genuinely excited. That really surprised me!
Yesterday a substitute asked me about it (I had been talking to my traveling librarian about my roommate being pregnant and saying we’d be parents together). So once again, I explained the progress we’ve made and that we hope to be parents by next summer. People who hadn’t heard about it before were in the room and listened and commented and sounded supportive. I’m so glad I can be open about it at work. Maybe when they have my baby shower I can invite LD to come down so everyone can meet her!
