03.29.08
Growing friendship
Over the last couple of weeks LD and I have been growing ever closer. At least, I think so. Most nights this week we’ve spent time on AIM chatting about this and that. I find myself looking forward to talking with her and learning more about her. I feared I was annoying her, always jumping into conversation as soon as I saw her online. However, when I said as much in our conversation last night, she confirmed that she enjoyed our conversations as well. I’m so glad we get along so well. I just absolutely love her and want to be friends forever! 
I find myself getting more and more excited as the days go by. Nothing in particular has changed, I just am slowly coming to the realization that everything that’s happening is real. I have to admit to telling quite a few people (family, friends, and even coworkers) about LD and our hopes to transfer before the end of the year. I probably should stop. I’m going to end up jinxing the whole thing!
03.25.08
Joining the “Mommy club”
I am SO excited! My college roommate (J) called me on Sunday to tell me she is 9 weeks pregnant! This will be her first child. She’s been married to her husband for two years now. She’s going to be the best mom ever. She used to be a special ed teacher for severe/profound classroom, so you know she has the patience of Job. 
When I told her that N and I have chosen a surrogate and are starting the wheels turning towards “trying” ourselves, she was thrilled. The first thing she said was “Now we get to do the parent thing together!” If everything works out for us to have our transfer in early October (and it takes), our kids will be less than a year apart. I hope our kids can be really close. As a matter of fact, if N still insists that I go back to work, I may ask her if she’ll watch our kid when I’m at work. If I have to leave him/her with anyone, I know I’d be more comfortable with her than most anyone else. Of course, I’m STILL going to try to finagle it for me to be home as much as possible. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Until then, I still need to make some progress on getting contracts together and whatnot. I had been planning on using this lawyer I’ve heard others use, but someone on TOSS had them blow them off when insurance got sticky. That makes me a bit nervous to use them now. I think I’ll talk to P and see who she used. I may even ask if she thinks I need to get my own lawyer or if LD’s will be enough. It would cut out one more expense… We’ll see…
03.17.08
Passed inspection ;)
LD emailed me the other day and said that D actually talked more than she expected him to and he told her he’s “completely comfortable” with us. I’m so pleased to hear this!
Also, she has started a new blog for our journey. She has invited N and I to post on it as well. We’re still trying to figure out how to do that, but I think it’s neat that she wants us to be a part of her blog. I’ve never shared my blog with anyone (not even N), and I’m beginning to wonder if I should share it with LD. I’m not sure if it would scare her off!
Last night N and I talked a LOT about contract issues and our views on various aspects of the journey (mostly to do with selective reduction). It was interesting to have a long conversation about surrogacy with him where he didn’t roll his eyes at me even once. Honestly, I think meeting LD and D (not to mention the other TOSS girls) helped things seem a little more real to him. But he was starting to be a bit more open before they came too, so I don’t know. He’s apparently been talking about it with his friends/coworkers, so obviously I’m not the only one who thinks about it throughout the day. I am trying not to be quite so obsessed, but it sure is hard!
Oh, and unfortunately, I did the taxes yesterday and found out we will OWE money. 
I’ve never owed before. We were hoping to put our refund into our baby fund, but I guess that won’t be happening. Stinky government. 
03.15.08
“Hookin’ up”
LD and her hubby (D) came to visit today. They were going to come for the weekend, but couldn’t get anyone to watch their kids (and fur-kids) for the whole weekend, so came in just for the day. The day started with a TOSS get together, then we came to the house and talked, played Rock Band, and talked some more. We went to dinner and then it was time for them to go.
Overall it went well. N liked them both and when I asked him what he thought of LD he said “I think she’ll take good care of our fetus.” So I guess it’s official. We’re matched! 
Of course, there is still a lot to do before it’s compltely official (in a legal sense), but for the most part we’re all in agreement about working together.
Some funny/notable moments from today:
- At one point in our conversation I said something about “hooking up” with LD. N and D found that really funny and started making jokes about their wives hooking up and wanting to know if they could watch/hold the video camera when I knock her up.
- LD and N spent much of the afternoon discussing nursing school and study habits. While I think N might have scared LD a little bit, I wonder if maybe it will leave her more prepared for the challenge to come. It was great hearing N and LD relate to one another beyond the “match.”
- At lunch, while N was in the bathroom, two of the TOSS gals said to me “He’s not at all like I was expecting. He sounded totally comfortable talking about surrogacy. It sounds like maybe he’s crossed over to being more ready.” I have a feeling I may have painted a darker picture of N than I should have on TOSS. Though, I have noticed that N was pretty open about talking with his coworker last night about surrogacy, so maybe he has moved into the “this is reality” mind-set.
- While I was out of the car getting money from the ATM, N apparently made a joke about robbing banks. When I got back in the car LD says to me (completely joking) “Yeah, I think we’re going to need to get background checks done on y’all.” Which led me to say (in all seriousness) “I’d actually been thinking about that and I honestly don’t think I need one for you. I know people say you’re crazy if you don’t do one, but I feel like I’ve known you forever.” That led us to discussing (and joking about) the various ways we could check up on each other without going through actual background checks.
The only thing I worry about is that D is SO quiet. I know LD has said that he’s always quiet, so I don’t think it’s us. I just know that N and I both felt a little awkward trying to come up with conversations to have with him. Of course, as N said, he did start to loosen up a little towards the end of the day. I’m hoping that means the more often we get together the easier it will be. I want to be like family with their whole family, not just LD. We discussed the possibility of doing a camping trip (or a trip to LD’s dad’s lake house) with the whole family, and I think it sounds like a lot of fun, personally. D said that LD would have to have a shower, but he and the kids would love it. So perhaps it will be something we can do this summer? I’m hoping N and I can go up to visit them in the not too distant future. I don’t know for sure, but we’ll see.
So one more step has been taken (husbands meeting). I wonder what the next one will be…
03.11.08
Appointment set
Sunday N and I had a blow up/discussion about surrogacy (and my obsession). We had gotten a check from our escrow account and I said “cool. This is going in the baby fund!” And N got irritated. I’d mostly been joking, but it caused a huge blow up. Which turned into a discussion of my feeling like I had to hide half of what I was thinking and him feeling like surrogacy is all I care about anymore. We didn’t really get to completely finish the conversation because his mother and brother called (2 phone calls) and interrupted. However, I did mention that I felt there were many things we should try to get worked out soon-ish if we have hopes of trying for a transfer this year. I said I felt we needed to meet with the new RE (since neither of us liked the other guy) and he said “Go ahead and set it up.”
So I did. We now have an appointment for April 22nd at 2:30. It’s still far enough away that N won’t feel like I’m rushing things, while soon enough that I feel like we are moving forward. I still need to get some records together anyway. But the nice thing (I hope) is that W will have been with us the week before, so that should mean N will be in a baby kind of mood.
03.09.08
Two steps forward, one step back
Here I thought everything was going SO well, and BAM… Last night N and I had a fight. We got a check in the mail from our mortgage escrow account and I said “Woo-hoo! This is going in the baby fund!” And N got mad. I got mad right back because 1) I was joking, and 2) he had just said the day before “When I get my tax refund, I’m buying a blueray player.” So what’s so different?! We shouted back and forth a lot. He said something about “How many times have you brought it up today?!” (meaning surrogacy and a baby). I said, “Not even half of the times it was on my mind. Do you know how annoying it is to walk around on eggshells around you? I feel like I can’t talk about what’s on my mind because it might annoy you. It’s ALWAYS on my mind. I can’t help it.” We didn’t solve anything, just went into separate rooms and steamed privately. I know we need to talk about it, but I don’t like to argue and I know we will. Why can’t he be as excited as I am? Why can’t he and I be on the same page completely? Why do I have to be so obsessed? It’s just so frustrating!!!
03.05.08
Baby steps
Pun not intended, but accepted.
I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself, but it is SO hard not to get carried away! LD and I basically consider ourselves matched. But I’ve told her that I want N to have the final word. So we’re trying to figure out a way for us all to get together so he can meet them (LD and her husband, D). We happen to have Spring Break the same week, so we were hoping to work it out then, but it’s still completely up in the air.
Yesterday LD put in her signature to TOSS “potentially matched” and now there are people who are saying they have a good guess as to who it might be (I’m sure they know it’s me). Actually, when I wrote last night that I was getting excited someone wrote back “I think I know why…” So we’re being a little obvious, I guess, but it’s SO much fun!
Today, while monitoring for the TAKS test I had a hard time not thinking about surrogacy and the possibility that we could be trying to transfer some time this year. I started writing lists of things I needed to do and questions to ask (which I’m sure I’ll lose and rewrite a hundred times. It’s my way. ). One thing I did think of, though, is that I need to find out if the RE will expect us to have a 6 month quarantine on N’s sperm. If so, I want to get his “stuff” to them ASAP. That way we can, potentially, do a transfer in late September/early October. Now how do I ask that question on TOSS without people being overly suspicious??? Hmm… Maybe LD can ask it. Since she’s halfway outted herself already. We’ll see.
