Sweet Memories {Letters to our children}

I got to thinking yesterday that I’ve been focusing so much on self improvement lately that I haven’t been taking the time to record the sweet memories we are making with our children every day. I certainly don’t ever want to forget these moments.

Lucas-

You are such a clown! If you can make us laugh, you will do it over and over and over again. I love that about you. You definitely get that from your dad. Lately you’ve been trying your hand at “jokes.” One of our books (Cowboy and Octopus by Jon Sczeska) has a very bad knock knock joke in it, so you did not have a very good first example. Here are some of your attempts:

L: Knock, knock!
Me: Who’s there?
L: Lucas! HAHAHA

L: Knock, knock!
Me: Who’s there?
L: Lettuce
Me: Lettuce who?
L: Lettuce LucasMamaKyla! HAHAHA

You think you’re the funniest thing around, and most of the time you are.

You’ve also taken an interest in baseball recently. I’m not sure if it is because Jake and the Neverland Pirates played baseball in an episode, or if you’re actually going to be drawn to the sport (you haven’t shown as much interest in the other sports played on Jake), but it’s darn cute. We also watched Take Me Out to the Ball Game with Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra a few weeks ago and you have started to sing the song on your own. Too cute!

I don’t know what it is about the way you sing “old ball game” that just makes my heart smile. You even asked for a baseball bat when we got to pick prizes for great behavior and have wanted to play catch with the baseball glove of your grandmother’s that you found. When I asked you if you wanted to play T-Ball you said “No, I want to play baseball.” Until I explained that you start in T-Ball and work your way up to baseball. I also asked if you wanted to take a class where you learn about all kinds of sports and you do show an interest in that, so I think we’ll start there and see what really draws your interest.

You are such a supportive and encouraging little boy. When your sister is trying to put together a puzzle and having a little trouble, you tell her what a great job she’s doing. When Kyla and I were tossing the baseball back and forth, you told us “You guys are doing that so well!” I’m not only proud of your encouraging ways, but your proper grammar as well!

Which reminds me. You’ve been working SO hard in Speech. Your articulation has come a long way. There’s still work to be done, but you are learning to self correct and we’re able to communicate much better than before you started. I’m so proud of the way you keep on trying. I do see how your silliness can sometimes become a problem when you should be listening (like at swim lessons), but I think it’s mostly because you think you “get it” and are ready to move on before the teacher is. I can see a few teacher conferences about my class clown in the near future.

My baby boy is growing up so much. I’m just glad you still give me those great hugs. They better never stop!

Kyla-

Girl, you are such a diva! I love listening to your imagination and watching you direct the show when you and Lucas are playing . Thankfully, you’re also willing to let him lead the way on occasion. Your recent attitude of “Ladies first!” has me thinking of the poem about Pamela Purse in Shel Silverstein’s poem. I will have to look for our copy of A Light in the Attic and read it to you so you don’t suffer the same fate.

You and Lucas have been taking swimming lessons the last 4 weeks and you both have come SO far! However, I can tell that swimming is something you are very determined to master because you pay very close attention to the teacher and have come SO far. You can swim on your back without assistance and you can even swim underwater! Now we just have to work on getting a breath and coordinating those arms and legs a little more and you’ll be a pro in no time! I’m looking forward to getting in the water with you this summer and seeing you grow in this area that I know you love.

You have decided that you want to go back to ballet. I’m not sure where it came from, but one day you said “I don’t want to do gymnastics anymore, I want to do ballet.” Of course, we’re not doing gymnastics right now because we’ve got swimming, but if it’s what you want to do we will make it happen. I’ve asked you if you want to take a class about various sports with Lucas and you refuse. You insist on ballet. You even spent a day in your ballet shoes practicing the things you learned more than 6 months ago! You did say you wanted to do T-Ball with Lucas until I told you that you could only do one activity, at which point you quickly returned to ballet. I guess I need to find a class for you!

You have also come a long way in your articulation. You are getting SO close to mastering that /k/ sound! You love to say “Lllllucas!” now that you’ve figured out how to say that /l/. I find it fascinating that the two of you have such different sounds that you struggle with. But you are both (for the most part) encouraging of each other and I love that.

I can always tell when you’re nervous. When you are unsure or feeling shy, you say “Mama, I love you” about a million times. It’s like you need some reassurance that I’m not going to leave your side. And, Baby Girl, I won’t. You and I may butt heads at least once every single day, but I will always be there for you. You are my Kyla Rose of Texas and the only girl for me.

Some of my friends in my moms group and I have decided to create a blog circle where we will share monthly letters to our children. Please check out my friend Carrie’s beautiful letter to her children here and then follow our circle around until you get back to me.

“Offline”

I’ve been “offline” for the last 6 days. It’s exhausting!

If you recall from my last post, I decided that my next habit that I needed to work on was actually to break my computer habit and stay offline from 7 AM to 8 PM. It’s been much easier than I anticipated, but that is probably because we’ve been so stinkin’ busy!

Thursday the kids had swim lessons, then attended “zoo school” for the first time (a topic for another post). We were out of the house from 10:15-4:15.

Friday I had Bible Study, then we had lunch with a friend. The afternoon was spent playing the kids.

Saturday I didn’t get on the computer at all. At 6 AM I left the house to go run, then I volunteered with my co-op, hit the grocery store, came home long enough to make some dip for a party, then the whole family attended a crawfish boil. Talk about exhausting!

Sunday we attended church and the rest of the day I was so exhausted all I wanted to do was sleep. We snuggled in the recliner and watched Take Me Out to the Ball Game with Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra (LOVE!).

Monday we went grocery shopping, then made a 5 hour visit to the museum.

Tuesday the kids had swim lessons and speech. I made and canned 6 pints of salsa and chopped tomatoes for more canning today. We fed and played with the neighbor’s dog, then visited and had dinner with N’s aunt and grandmother.

Today will be a “light” day of speech and lunch with friends. Depending on how things are going, we may go to a park for a hike.

So, does anyone want to tell me stay at home moms do nothing all day? Huh? I dare ya!

I’ve actually not been missing being online much. Yes, at first I had to make myself do other things to distract myself, but really I’ve realized that I’m not missing out on anything by waiting until 8. Though I did have a friend text me to ask if I was mad because I hadn’t replied to her email! Oops. And I have had a couple of times where I had to get on the computer long enough to get a phone number or directions, but I don’t count those as cheating because I didn’t check my email or FB or my message boards while doing it.

Another week and it should be a new habit. I just hope I don’t collapse from exhaustion in the mean time.

Another Habit Update

So how many of you are wondering how I’m doing with my new habits? I realized today that most of them really have become habits! Not to say I don’t struggle with them still, but it’s not the same as before.

Mornings

I have been waking up at 6 AM every morning (except 2) for over a month now. It really does make the mornings so much easier. I still have to send kids (mainly Lucas) back to bed until 7, but I’m not as grumpy about it, so I handle it better if/when he throws a fit. I’ve started to use that time to read my Bible Study and catch up on the computer (this is one I really should stop. I need to use it for laundry or something more productive.) Today I hit the snooze bar, Lucas woke up needing to go potty so I turned off the alarm and got up, only to crash back in bed and not wake up until 7:30 (because N got up with the kids). I felt awful and I do not want that to happen again. It’s one thing when N plans to get up with the kids and let me sleep. It’s another if I just don’t get up.

Yelling

Today is 30 days since I took on the Orange Rhino Challenge. I can’t say I’ve gone the entire 30 days without yelling, but I can say that the amount of yelling I’ve done has gone significantly down. Of course, I’m writing this only 2 hours after a huge blow up on my part. But I’m not beating myself up over it. Because rather than send everyone to bed feeling miserable, I chose to hit the “reset” button. I stopped, explained to the kids that this was not working for any of us and that we were going to start over. I had Lucas go back to the bathroom and pretend he’d just finished brushing his teeth. I went to my room to take some deep breaths and put a (fake) smile on my face (I believe I said to myself Fake it ’till you make it!). Then I came out and we tried again. This time with no tears, no yelling, and a lot of hugs and kisses. So even though I messed up and yelled, I fixed it to the best of my ability. And that’s a huge improvement.

Now comes the hard part. I took some time this evening trying to figure out why I blew up when I haven’t in so long. And it dawned on me that yesterday was the first day in a week and a half that N has been home with us all day. And while I’ve taken on the challenge of yelling less, he has not. And there has been a lot more whining and poor behavior as a result (I think). I had been so amazed that the whole time we were at my mom’s we only had a handful of tantrums. Normally I feel like all I’m doing is damage control. But not this time. It was much more enjoyable and I am now thinking it is because I’ve been working so hard to stop yelling, which has made the kids more agreeable. Now that they are back to being yelled at, they are acting out again and Lucas is going straight to whining (N’s biggest pet peeve). It gets him a reaction and the attention he is seeking (his dad’s). I know N feels bad when he reacts with yelling, but I don’t know how to help him change. All I know how to do is work on me. So I’ll continue to do that and maybe, just maybe, some of it will rub off on N. *fingers crossed*

Running

I seem to have hit a wall. I’m stuck at week 4 and can’t get past it. I did it successfully 3 times (not in a row) and tried week 5, but I just couldn’t do it. So I went back to week 4 and have had trouble with it as well. It makes it difficult to want to keep trying. I know in my head that even if I don’t get past week 4 I’ve still done SO much more than anyone (including me) ever expected me to, so I should be proud. And I am. But I’m also disappointed because I want to do more. I grumbled the other day to my “CHD Athletes” FB group and several people were saying “Walking is better than running” and trying to be encouraging, but I pointed out that running isn’t about exercise for me. It’s about pushing past the limits I always had before. Proving to myself how much my heart and health have improved over the last few years. Showing the world and the doctors that I didn’t have to feel worse before I could have a transplant and finally feel better. Setting an example for my kids that you can do more than you ever imagined if you just try.

N has been very supportive and has tried to give me encouragement. In some ways it helps, but it’s still so very frustrating. He says that he hit a wall about the same week I have and that he backed up a few weeks and started again. The next time he hit that week it was no problem. Perhaps that is what I will try. While reminding myself that anything is better than nothing and I’m still beating all the odds.

Hands on

This is one I’m still struggling with. What I know I need to do, but haven’t yet, is to stay off the computer between 7 AM and 8 PM. But for some insane reason I feel like I might miss something if I don’t check it every 10 minutes. I truly think it is an addiction and I need to stop. I get sucked in and then don’t play with my kids the way I should. I validate myself by saying “But they’re playing so well together.” That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t love to have me playing too. As a matter of fact, they ask me to. And I say “Just a minute.” Those minutes go on until they stop asking. Not the way I want to parent at all. So now that I’ve gotten better at forming my other habits, I need to work on breaking the computer habit. Perhaps I need to start a challenge for that? Yes. That’s exactly what I need to do. And I’m stating it here publicly. I will also announce it on FB so if someone needs an immediate response from me they will know to call or text. Because my kids are way more important than the next quote someone shares on their wall (even if they do make a good point, like the one below).

borrowed from http://onthefenceadvocacy.wordpress.com

Pen Pals

Recently I came across a blog that is organizing pen pals for kids ages 1-12. Stephanie of Twodaloo created a “Snail Mail Pen Pals” group for parents to have their kids matched with kids similar in age. I didn’t even hesitate to sign my kids up. I had pen pals when I was growing up and loved it. It’s exciting for them when they get mail. Plus, what a wonderful opportunity to teach them about how the mail system works and a little bit of geography?!

I’m really amazed at the work that Stephanie put into this. She could not have had any clue how big this would become. But she patiently matched up every child. We got our matches last Wednesday and I immediately sent our address to our new friends’ parents (or in one case, teacher).

Then I started thinking about what we would send to their pen pals. My kids don’t write much more than their names yet and drawings still don’t resemble anything concrete. I’d seen posts from people sending “stuff” like stickers and small trinkets, but I really wanted this first one to be more about “getting to know you” type stuff. So I use their love of taking pictures!

I had them take pictures of things that would tell their new friends more about them. That evening after putting them to bed I printed out some of those pictures (I did not see the point in printing a picture of the ceiling fan ). I had the kids glue the pictures onto construction paper and tell me what to write beside each picture. I also printed up a map of Texas and we put an X to show where we live.

It might not have been much, but at least it was a start. We got to put them in the mail today. One is going all the way to England! It will be very exciting to see how they react when they get mail in return.

Friendship {Letters to our Children}

It’s that time again! Time for another Letters to our Children Blog Circle.

Dear Kyla and Lucas,

As you get older you are developing more in your ability to play with others and create friendships. I love watching you with your friends. Sitting back and just watching your personalities and how you tackle play together is so telling about who you are as individuals.

Playing with friends.

Reading with friends.

We’ve been trying to go to the rec center’s Open Gym every week (though we haven’t been the last couple of weeks, due to illness) and I see you reaching out to the other kids and playing less with one another. It makes me both happy and sad to see this. I love the bond the two of you have, but I’m glad to know you are able to branch out and make new friends.

Lucas, it seems to be easier for you to approach new friends and start to play than it is for Kyla. You fit in right away and play with enthusiasm. It worries me a bit when other kids start saying “No girls allowed” and you follow suit. I hope you understand why I tell you that you should not say that. Your sister feels left out all too often with your cousins and I hate for her to ever feel like you do not want her around. I know you’re just trying to fit in, but remember that she will always be your sister. Those boys won’t always be your friends. You’re going to need to be her protector. Take care of your sister and give her the help she needs to make friends.

With Cousin Wyland

Kyla, you may have a hard time approaching new people, or even responding when they approach you, but you give your whole heart once you do. Hearing you talk about your new friend “Anya” for two weeks after you met her at the park almost breaks my heart. Not because you hold onto that friendship so tightly, but because I didn’t think to talk to the child’s mother and arrange to see her again. You are so much like me and have a hard time feeling like you fit in. It’s hard for me to hear you say “Nobody likes me” when I know it isn’t true. At only 3 years old you already feel so intensely. I know that is going to stay with you, as I still feel that way now. I suppose the reason we butt heads so often is because we are so much alike! I want for you to have confidence in yourself and your ability to make friends. You’re so likable and kind. There’s no reason for anyone to not like you!

I look forward to seeing your friendships grow over the years. I hope that some of the friendships you have now will continue throughout your life. But even if they don’t, I hope you are learning from them how to be a good friend.

Friends (and Mom). Kyla is the photographer.

I love you always, always!
Mom

Some of my friends in my moms group and I have decided to create a blog circle where we will share monthly letters to our children. Please check out my friend Carolyn’s beautiful letter to her daughter here and then follow our circle around until you get back to me.

Color Run and Mom Guilt

I’m going to try to start out with the positive:

I did it! I completed the Color Run 5K!! I had wanted to complete it in 45 minutes or less, but did not quite make that. However, I did finish in under an hour (I think it was about 55 minutes), which is still pretty good. I did not stop (except when there were slow downs around a color station) and I actually ran some of it. N walked next to me and cheered me on the whole way. We had a great time and we think we’re going to sign up for the next one, which is in November. This time we’re going to bring the kids along. They’re already excited about it!

Color me done!

I sent a picture of myself after the run to my electrophysiologist and he said “THAT pic belongs on the Medtronic Calendar!!” LOL

In other running news, last night I attempted week 4 of my C25K program. And I DID IT!!!!!!!! Week 4 consists of a 3 minute run, 90 second walk, 5 minute run, 2.5 minute walk, then repeat. This is the first week where the walk time is shorter than the run time. I can say I’m shocked I was able to do it, but at the same time I had faith that my God would see me through it. My prayers as I walked/ran this time were less pleading than last week. Instead I simply said “I know You can help me through this, Lord,” and indeed he did! Even more exciting (for me) is that I did just over 2 miles in 30 minutes. That’s my fastest time ever!

Okay, now time for the guilt.

Last Monday Kyla got sick. She had a bout of diarrhea, ran a temp, and was coughing. I took her to the doctor and we eliminated the possibility of strep or the flu. It was declared a virus and we were sent home to let it run its course. The next day she was all better. The cough remained, but that did not concern me. The fever being gone meant that even though she couldn’t go to speech that day (Tuesday), she could go the next day. My MIL stayed with her while I took Lucas to speech on Tuesday.

Wednesday came and we had plans to go see DH’s grandmother. Well, Lucas started coughing a little, but nothing too bad. I debated on canceling, but felt guilt over the fact that Granny was alone this week and we kept canceling (we’d had to cancel Monday). I called and asked her opinion and she said to come on over. So we did. And that night as I put Lucas to bed, I suspected he might be running a fever. I didn’t take it until the next morning. When it was 103.6.

I assumed he had the same thing as Kyla. Other than the diarrhea, he had the same symptoms. So I didn’t bother with the doctor. Friday came and he still had the fever. Okay, so it was lasting longer for him, but that’s not unusual. We stayed home from Bible Study and I debated over and over again what to do about the Color Run. I wanted SO much to do the run, but at the same time did not want to leave my sick son with my MIL (both because of him and her). She told me she was fine with it and so I took them over to spend the night before going to pick up our race packet then meet up with N for a late dinner.

MIL said Lucas slept very restlessly and the morning was spent snuggling and watching TV because he was miserable. He was still running a fever and would go back and forth between acting normal and like he felt awful. We took the kids home to take a nap and he slept for 3 hours and woke up saying his ear hurt. We had plans to go back to MIL’s for dinner because BIL was in town. Again, I debated on going. We went. I also called Granny and found out that she was sick as well.

Sunday dawned and it seemed like Lucas’ fever might be gone. He stayed home with N while Kyla and I went to church and before we got home his fever was back. And MIL was sick. So we made the decision that he definitely needed to see the doctor the next morning.

When he woke up he was acting like he felt fine and I wondered if taking him to the doctor was going to just be a waste of money. I took him anyway, and I guess that’s the first thing I’ve done right. The doctor said she heard crackling in his lungs and his temp, while not officially a “fever” was still higher than “normal.” She prescribed an antibiotic and said she was treating it as pneumonia. If he’s not better in 48 hours, we’d do a full work up.

When I texted MIL the news she must have decided to get herself looked at and went to the Minute Clinic at CVS. She was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. I called Granny and she was not doing better, so she went back to the doctor. She’s now been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. So now not only do I feel awful for putting my desire to do the Color Run above being there for my sick child (and not taking him to the doctor sooner), but I also feel guilty for getting MIL and Granny sick.

Habit Update

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve gotten up with my alarm at 6 AM every day for two weeks.

Is it easy? Not really. But it’s not as hard as it was, so at least there is that.

Have I noticed an improvement? Mostly. We still get some morning meltdowns because I won’t let Lucas come out of his room until seven. But today when I took him back to his room he didn’t throw a major fit, just whined a little, so I’d call that improvement. And I’ve been less cranky in the mornings, so that helps.

What about the Orange Rhino Challenge? I was doing really really well. Until yesterday. I caught myself mid-yell when Lucas refused to go back to bed while I was showering (before seven). And then at bed time I blew up because Lucas got out of bed after he’d been tucked in. Both were unreasonable. I beat myself up about both. I wish I could take them back, but I know I can’t. So today is a new Day 1. I know I can do this. I just have to keep trying.

Kyla is sick (started running a fever yesterday afternoon), so we’ll be having a quiet day at home. Pray for me.